How to be free from suffering and live the meaning of life

Wanna be free? Never have a problem ever again? Free of all suffering and stress and anxiety? Love every single moment of your life?

Grab a cup, but gird yourself because it’s a bold idea and you might dislike some of it.

Here’s how:

There are zero problems here, now, in this moment. Honestly. All your suffering vanishes – all of it – when you fully immerse yourself in the presence of Now.

This is a huge idea – and as I said, your mind may hate it – but it doesn’t make it un-true.

Let’s investigate: Assume this moment is the only moment there is. Get super present, be aware of now. Be innocent and fresh. Drop all expectations, insistences, resistances and just meet this moment face to face, as it is. Truly tune in, give your whole being to this moment in time.

What else does your experience of now need?

Nothing. It is full, rich, complete. Now requires nothing, there is nothing wrong … when you are fully here.

Your mind may still rebel.

It may try to negate your experience of now, saying “yes, but …”, as in “yes, but … yesterday I was so full of fear/anger/sadness,” or “yes, but … my daughter is very sick in hospital right now and I’m so anxious about her,” or “yes, but … tomorrow I have to have a really tough conversation with my boss and I’m worried about it.”

One of the mind’s greatest tricks is convincing you that the causes of fear and worry and suffering are present, they are very real now. However, your mind is anywhere but here. It is constantly trying to drag you off into some other place and time, and suffering only becomes real when you follow it.

Suffering – overload, overwhelm, reacting blindly – doesn’t happen when you’re fully present. Your mind will tell you that you’re irresponsible and uncaring if you let go of the events and the challenges of all other places and times to experience the one place your life is, the one place you can do anything about – here and now.

Don’t let your mind convince you.

How useful is it when you are worried or stressed about something you can do nothing about? How caring is it when you’re so consumed in a past or upcoming event you can’t be present with the people in front of you? How useful is suffering to you, or indeed anyone else?

It’s not.

A skilful, joyful, compassionate, meaningful and suffering-free life is being able to let go of all other places and moments so you can give yourself fully to what is happening right in front of you. Here is where life is!

Again, don’t get me wrong – in being present I’m not saying ignore your challenges and what you have to do, not at all.

I’m saying truly see what problems are actually here, now, right in front of you. See how  your mind wants to removes you from this moment to re-hash a situation that isn’t here. See all this mind stuff and ignore it, instead take a half-step back and be present; be fully alive.

Questions? Let me know!


PS. For the tools and techniques that make being present a doddle?

Here's 108 FREE ways to remember:

The “vibe” is important - but it’s different from what you think

As you read this I will be on the small island of Patmos, Greece. It’s a lovely hunk of rock - sunny, cute whitewashed houses, a ginormous castle right on the top - a huge block of “no way are you getting in here if you we don’t want you to” …

Of course, it has calamari and greek salads and yogurt and snorkelling in beautifully clear water and all that.

But it also is the site of John of the Revelation’s cave.

It’s a seriously cool place.

It has a sensational vibeto it. A great spot to hang out, to meditate, to contemplate. I would say it’s one of those places in the world where you just have to visit, whatever your beliefs - if you like places that relax, that give you an expanded sense of self, this is one of them.

Now I’m not much into energy- I mean, I feel it, I recognise it when people and places are relaxed and joyful, when they are tense and stressed.

So do you, right?

You know when you walk into a room when there’s just been argument. You know when you’re talking to someone who has nothing to prove, nothing to hide - you just relax around them, you can be yourself.

But like emotions, energy is just movement. It’s something that comes and goes. It’s not a crucial factor in a good life, although many people get lost in it, constantly search for the “right” energy and all of that - while the rest of us who are differently wired roll our eyes.

The cool thing is you create your own energy.How you are in within yourself, like I mentioned above, creates a feel, a vibe that others recognise - even if it’s not a conscious recognition.

In all your relationships - at home, at work - what impresses other people, what makes them relax and feel safe is all down to your inner workings.

Your presence speaks louder than words. 

And it’s not, despite what a lot of people still think, about proving yourself, elevation, being better, not at all.

The best vibe, as I said, comes from a complete and utter acceptance and allowanceof who you are in this moment.

This - again despite what a lot of people think - has nothing to do with giving up or being a walk over, and everything to do with, like I said, having nothing to prove and nothing to hide. I don't really know how else to describe it.

When you don’t feel like you need to bolster yourself or to appear a certain way, everyone is attracted to you. And the funny thing is, you don’t care. You’re not trying to.

Being present and immersed in this moment in time ... that is the greatest thing you can do for anyone - and definitely not running around like a headless chicken “doing” for people.

Make your foundation, as it's been said many times, about being - not doing.

So create your own vibe. Be at peace. Accept yourself. You ARE way more than enough.

Go well! Arjuna

PS. If you like the sound of the above, then here’s the how, a free guide (actually two!):

Needing attention?

Once upon a time I met a very very wise yoga teacher. He seemed different from all the others I had met simply because he seemed like he had nothing to prove. In an age of celebrity everyones, all the self-promotion on Instagram and Facebook and the rest, it seemed like he could care less about any of that.

He wasn’t a show off, he was just content to teach and be of service and be himself. He just loved teaching and helping, and yoga itself.

He didn’t need anyone’s adoration, he needn’t need much actually.

It’s kind of magnetic when someone doesn’t need anything from you, isn’t it? You just want to hang around them more, ironically.

But if you have young ones around you, teaching them to navigate this is so important, isn’t it?

They get so wrapped up with social media and what other people think of them, everything depends on that. Well, I’m guessing that’s the case, although I did read a study that said it was the case. I was like that for a long time into adulthood and I didn’t even have social media growing up. I just had a cardboard box. We knew how to make our own fun, by crikey!

But all this?

It begins with you. It doesn’t require you to do anything, beyond freeing yourself from the exact same thing:

Finding happiness and security within yourself first and foremost. Freeing yourself from needing anything from anyone - enjoying people but not being chained to them.

Then you are a living example of peace and acceptance for them. So they always have that kind of anchor to come home to, to connect with. So no matter how tough their heads get, they have you.

Makes sense? Working on yourself means you can make the biggest impact on the whole world.

Go well! Arjuna

PS. Here's a practice for freeing yourself of needing anything - and enjoying everything - can be found here (and it's free):

My bungy jump failure

One of the proudest moments of my life (in hindsight) was walking away from a bungy jump.

Darn computer wants to change it to “bunny jump.” That’s a whole new thing altogether, isn’t it?

I was just writing about the very thing below in my book. It is so close to being finished I can smell it.

Here's kind of an adapted extract. A longer read for you.

Before we get to jumping off bridges - let’s talk about risk for a moment.

Risk — and fear — is an extremely personal thing.

Risk is necessary to move forward in any part of life. Your mind hates risk, it likes comfort: “Don’t do anything!” it says “you might fail.”

Comfort is good, but inaction isn’t, really, is it? So moving forward in life involves getting comfortable with risk, with possibly failing, definitely with making mistakes and seeming a little silly, even stupid, sometimes.

But with risk, I’m not talking about being irresponsible, I’m not talking high-risk gambling with finances or life and limb. I’m talking about not being afraid of fear, of testing your comfort zone. What you will see, however, is the more you test your comfort zone, the more you will come to re-define what your mind suggests is irresponsible.

But understand the scale of that risk is completely up to you, don’t let anyone pressure you.

Anyhow — this is where the bunny, err, bungy, jump comes in.

I was terrified, but really wanted to do it. They strapped me in, did the count down, and … I didn’t jump. The operators counted again, again I hesitated. They mocked me, told me to “strap it on.” Needless to say, that wasn’t the right approach.

I was ashamed as I walked away, the jump untaken, but later I was proud of myself. Jumping off any height is a huge deal for me, and I wanted the experience to be something, for want of a better word, “beautiful.” The conditions weren’t right and so, despite the pressure, walking away was the only option.

Risk — and fear — is an extremely personal thing. Becoming more aware of your fears, your resistances, your limitations and choosing to do something even slightly different in any sphere of life, is a bold and beautiful thing. Truly.

Setting aside the fears of my mind and focusing on what needs to be done to get down a hard rapid in my kayak is a beautiful thing (to me), but so was over-coming my fears about commitment and fully committing to my now wife. That took a serious leap, just as running rapids does.

Being a father involves risk as well: “what if we’re doing it wrong?” There’s so much conflicting advice and personal experience out there about everything, not to mention your own intuition — you just have to choose a path that seems right to you. Sometimes you just have to leap. No matter what part of your life you meet fear or your perceived scale of your steps forward, give yourself a pat on the back for not backing down.

Well done for picking up the true invitation of fear and risking being curious about what is on the other side of that fear of failure, the fear of seeming silly or stupid to someone else.

It’s not easy, I know, but it is rewarding. Authenticity, not hiding, not being afraid any more.

So — take encouragement and inspiration from others, but not pressure. You may never throw yourself off a bridge with an elastic band attached, and you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

Risk something, commit to something, but do it your way.

Go well! Arjuna

PS. The greatest tool, to me, to come to terms with fear is meditation. You see it for what it is: your mind’s smoke and mirrors. Your mind’s attempt to keep you inactive and small and comfortable.

Here’s a free guide that will get you started:

Surviving your own family

So how was your Easter? Thought I’d say hi — I don’t have any message for you, nothing about rebirth, new starts, choosing to hit the reset button and begin again any time you like. Nothing like that. You can take something from that list if you like though, for sure!

I had a couple of days with extended family, just enjoying life. Nice to switch off and do nothing but read a book and chat and go for a walk (and a kayak - although cold, that’s always a joy!) and cook and hang out.

You know, I believe the ability to tune into this precise moment in time and to make the very most of what is in front of you — no matter what that may be — could be one of the most important skills you can ever develop.

To stop dwelling on a past that is gone and a future that is beyond your control, and to thrive now, independent of the circumstances you find yourself in — rather than surviving until your life looks the way you want it to is rare, very rare.

Where this becomes relevant to Easter, is family time. For some, family time together just means you get a bit edgy, tempers start to fray, arguments start or resurface - at the very least.

Amazing how family, like no one else, can poke and prod you and create such a reaction and emotion, isn’t it? So many people ask me about this.

You can’t choose your family, for sure, and so if you need to take time out from them for your own sanity, well I for one think that is a great idea.

What you CAN do, however, is simply love them exactly as they are. A lot of us try and change our partners and our family to a huge degree, and that is always a recipe for disaster — in my opinion.

Accepting and allowing goes a long way with family (with anyone actually) — and means YOU have a peaceful life. Instead of fighting and insisting they are a particular way, you stop struggling and can make the most of who they are.

Perhaps that means you don’t spend a lot of time with them. But for sure, loving them exactly as they are means you spend a ton less energy and time getting upset with them - and that is always the bottom line: you’re setting up your life so that you always enjoy this moment, and the people in it, to the maximum.

How can I enjoy this moment more?

If you find yourself a bit miserable, then so often the answer is to get out of the past and the future and make the most of what you do have, instead of insisting of what you should have.

It's a practice - you have to practice this. You can't just turn it on any more than I can just balance on my nose without practicing. OK?

And there is more to it than that, but for a cheeky blog that will suffice.

For a short “hello”, turns out I had something to say after all. How about that? Wonders never cease, do they?

You’re awesome, thank you for reading, and if there’s anything I can do for you, let me know. Go well! Arjuna

PS. Of course, having the tools to be present, the tools that bring you to a state of enjoyment is super, super useful. Here's my free guide to how to be more present, less stressed and to freely choose to enjoy this moment, no matter what:

What are you addicted to?

A question from a reader on this fine morning - “Are addictions a means of escaping something deeper?”

And my answer was -

“Could be, most certainly they could be.” (how’s that for definite?- Ha!)

You see, they don’t even need to be very “bad” addictions, like heroin or cheesecake or something. They can be anything to distract or numb or sedate even.

We are very good at attempting to run away from big decisions - somehow sitting on the fence seems so much easier than actually jumping and committing to a course, any course, of action doesn’t it?

We are also very good at avoiding looking at an part of our lives that may not be wholly satisfying too. Where we are obviously compromising and suffering because of it.

Distraction and sedation seems like a great option. “If I dig deep into something else, perhaps the decision or the problem will go away …”

And anything will do - reading, TV, shopping, eating, exercise, travel … knitting … cheesecake ... You can try anything in the attempt to cover up.

What I was personally trying to cover up was this annoying voice at the back of my head that would spout “Is THIS is? Is this ALL your life is about? What is the POINT?” all the time.

It was massively confusing, even depressing, because I had all my external, “facts of life” (not those facts) covered - great house, job, friends, hobbies, everything I wanted, I had.

None of it would quieten that inner voice of dissatisfaction. Weird huh?

I tried so hard to cover it up with more and more of the externals - and nothing worked. The more I tried, the more dissatisfied I got. The fact was that I had no internal wellbeing. No stability at all. No connection with my spiritual anchor. I couldn’t choose to be happy no matter what.

Funny old thing - it took so little to fill that inner hole but it made a huge difference to everything I did. All the “externals” came alive. A little bit of time nurturing my inner self and my outer world got so much more satisfying.

I no longer needed to do anything, I wanted to. A huge difference.

AND all the stress, struggles, overwhelm, the self-doubt and the self-criticism … all of that started to fade away too.

It’s one of the most important things you can do - sort out your inner life … your inner spiritual anchor, get the ability to be happy and at peace no matter what. Because then every decision, every compromise, every cause of stress, every thing gets simpler, more straightforward.

You hide no longer - which is an amazing thing. Your life gets better and better and better.

How about that then?

Go well! Arjuna

PS. Getting the ability to be able to sort out your inner life and choose your own happiness - to have it uncaused - is simply a matter of practicing the right things. Few people actually know these things. If you want to know?

I have a free guide here, detailing exactly what you need to do:

The wisdom of a child is a wondrous thing

Every morning I sit with Bubba and have breakfast. I used to cover her in a kind of backward shirt so she wouldn’t get food stains all over her, now I cover myself. Proximity to someone who is learning how to throw is a dangerous business. <---- This one IS trouble, I can tell you.

But to get to my point. One day I found myself - in a moment of awareness - repeating parental mantras. These have little to do with meditation and everything to do with desperation … “But you LIKE avocado!!”

I have realised Bubs will not eat what she does not want to. Being a female, and related very closely to Sumati, she knows her own mind. One day egg is the flavour of the day, the next I’m dodging as it’s being flung at me.

There is no routine is what I’m trying to say. And I may be giving lofty spiritual attributes to something that has none - but it would seem she eats according to an inner wisdom - what she needs not what she wants. Some days she eats nothing at all, some days she eats like a rugby team.

It’s not about “its breakfast time, I SHOULD eat” but more like “what do I really need right now?”

We all have this inner wisdom, down deep beneath all the accumulated layers of belief and cultural instruction and past experience. It’s whispering to us all the time, it just gets swamped by everything else. Your ideal life comes from listening to and living from your innate wisdom. Trouble and strife only comes when you start listening to those second and third thoughts that doubt. “But what will everyone else think?” …

That is why I don’t put much stock in moral codes of behaviour. As soon as someone starts telling you to live this way and not that way, you’re getting quite divisive. How about this moment and that moment? How about these people? There’s always an exception, always an "us and them" is created and then what? What does your moral code say then?

I was told I should always eat breakfast. How’s that for a moral imperative? Turns out my body often functions better without it. Especially when I’m coming down with a flu or whatever - a quick fast can heal things quite nicely before it gets worse.

Bubba shows me that all the time.

So meditate - one of the greatest things it will give you is the awareness and the clarity of your own course of wisdom that is precisely matched to the moment you find yourself in. You become super familiar with it - and it’s always there, meditation gives you the space and the silence to tune into it.

What is possible for you - yes, you - is an ideal life, lived in perfect response to now, in perfect flow with - and never against - this moment. And you have to do so little to gain so much.

Alrighty? Go well! Arjuna

PS. I’m chuckling to myself because the book I'm finishing off is a kind of instructional manual to end overwhelm and negativity, be the best version of yourself, and have a darn tooting great life.

It could be seen as a set of moral guidelines - and yet! I start with Buddha who talks about being a scientist about everything. Listen to advice, test it out if it seems like something you agree with, but don’t agree simply because of authority. Fully try it and see if it works for you. And in all the best moral guidelines and practices will always point the finger back at your own heart: What do YOU really know?


You'd like to know how to meditate? How to be more aware and tune into your own inner source of wisdom, avoiding struggle and overwhelm and negativity?

Here you go:

Facebook is evil! (perhaps)

People are currently talking about Facebook and how addictive it is. They're talking about how impressionable (young and old) minds are being swayed this way and that. They're talking about how perhaps Facebook should be forced to do this and that, and perhaps generally not be so interesting. Maybe. I'm trivialising and being dramatic. All at the same time! Ha!

(And look! That guy is lifting not one, but TWO Facebooks!)

Here’s my take on the monolith that is Facebook - and in fact, all the "evils" of life. There perhaps is a place, on a case by case basis, for management of access to certain things that may be addictive. Especially in the young. Alcohol, drugs, sugar, guacamole … you know, all the fun things.

Or maybe we should just equip each and every person with a mentor. Someone wise and experienced who will explain and guide and yet allow people to make mistakes and work out that some things just take you in the wrong direction when overdone. That would be super cool.

However, before we get to that, I’m going to talk to you, as you are, right now - yes, YOU and what you can do for yourself.

In order to make your journey through life more comfortable, you can try and carpet the whole world … or you can put something under your own feet.

Ironing out ALL the wrinkles and challenges and sticky sharp things in the world is tricky, probably impossible. Putting something under your own feet? Super simple, right?

You can delete Facebook, throw your phone away, pack your job in, shift to a tropical island to avoid traffic and other people … OR you can learn to change how you react to these things. Wouldn’t that be simpler?

In a world where you will be externally out of control at least some of the time, if not many times … why not learn to control what you can?

Actually ... What can you control? What can you learn to control?

The stuff of life, the circumstances, the events, the people? Not always, not often, sometimes never. But you CAN control your choices, you can control your habitual reactions. At least you can learn to control them.

And that is where a regular practice of something like the Bright Path Ishayas Ascension comes in.

You get to see where your choice lays - how ultimately all of life begins from your attitude, your response and reaction to circumstances, your blaming or taking responsibility for your own actions.

Start there.

Unchain yourself from your reactions, your addictions, from your limitations, from the things within you that are holding you back and then see what life becomes, what Facebook becomes, what stress becomes.

Pad your own feet first and then see what might be done with the wrinkles of the world.

Start within, then move without (though don’t wait for perfection, you’ll course adjust as you go).

Awesome, you're awesome, I’m done - and have a great day!

Go well, Arjuna

And here’s how you learn to have freedom of choice. It's a free guide so you can get started right now. But ask me if you have any questions too:

Stop it!

If there is one thing I could tell my younger self, it would be the following. It would save so much heart ache, stress and delay I can’t tell you how much. I feel it’s possibly very important for you too, that’s why I sat down and tapped this out. So pay attention - yes, you at the back, you too!

I don’t have much more of a story around this, so let’s get started:

My practice of the Bright Path Ishayas Ascension could be seen as a practice of transformation. It’s a practice that allows you to become that great version of you. Any meditation practice worth it’s salt (which, if I’m brutally honest, there are surprisingly few, actually) will do the same.

The fact is that great version of you already exists. Right here, right now.

You ARE it.

A practice such as Ascension takes away the blocks that stops you from being and living that, right now.

It may well transform you in ways you might not even know, but the beauty, the simplicity, the truth is that you are already what you seek.

Stop waiting.

It’ll take courage. It will. I don't care how brave you think you are, this is the real test.

One of the most courageous things you can do is live like there is nothing wrong with you, that you ARE enough, that you need NOTHING else to live the life you’re supposed to.

(and if you do need something? You’ll be shown it, you don’t need to seek it out).

Stop waiting for change. If you can’t change it now, work with what you have. This is it, stop postponing, stop waiting for a better future moment, a better future you.

This is not a practice of becoming, even though you become.

This is a practice of no-holds barred LIVING, because there is no time like the present, because there is no better version of you coming in some better future moment.

Grip the bull by the horns and dance, by the light of the moon if you like poetry, but dance now. Don’t sit on the sidelines, WAITING … OK? Good. Go well!


PS. Want a piece of THAT pie?

Here's 2 free guides to get started, right now:

PPS. Hows the picture for a shaggy dance partner?

What can you learn from exhaustion?

I’m back from my holidays! How wonderful is it to travel? It is one of my favourite things. I love seeing new places and eating new food. That’s the main reason - I think my life revolves around food. Food, food, and more food. Oh - I’m getting distracted. Here’s what I learnt in my travels:

Flying to New Zealand from the UK takes a) a very, very long time, b) awesome amounts of luggage for a being that is so small (see picture for a representation of what Bubba packed), and c) a certain kind of insanity to believe you’ll get any rest with a 1 year old in tow.

Now I’m pretty level headed. I don’t get thrown by much, truly. It's not because I'm special, simply because I made it my mission to not be. Since practicing and teaching the Bright Path Ishayas’ meditation malarky for nearly 15 years it’s given me much in terms of not being automatically triggered by people and situations.

The thing that I saw in my travels was how wild my emotions and reactions started to get just due to good old exhaustion. Snappyness - that short fuse that shows itself to no one but your nearest and dearest … and depression - that aimless, soul-less, juice-less greyness of “there’s no point” all due to just being plain old knackered.

Rest is an easy solution, job done - although to many people that is the last thing they will let themselves do - but when you have another 7 hour flight to go? Being aware of what’s boiling away inside and not taking it seriously is the way forward. You can safely ignore it, it doesn’t need any attention, it doesn’t require you working out “why?”, it’s all simply because you are tired … you see?

In awareness you just become extra careful in not following those internals. Easy peasy - when you’ve done the work before hand. That’s the real thing about a meditation practice. It DOES slow and eventually end negative reactions like anger and depression and anxiety but it also means you become MORE aware of them arising within you sooner.

Being more aware is a great thing, but many people misunderstand it. You WANT to be more aware. All so you can not let anything take you over and do things that you regret later on. All so you can shift your attention to that still silent presence that is beyond all these things.

I hope that makes sense, I’m still jet lagged, but its an important point. You don’t need to stop thoughts or emotions - that is HARD work, and ultimately impossible - you just need to start having a different relationship with them.

They don't need to go. You just need to be aware of when you're getting lost in them. Freedom from negativity and limitation is, in part, having no care whether these thoughts and feelings are there or not. And it just takes practice. It’s a kind of internal strength and flexibility you see, a skill you can practice.

All it takes is you sitting down and closing your eyes regularly. A small sacrifice for freedom in your life, is it not? Let me know if you need help with what to do.

Go well! Arjuna

PS. The thing I will recommend to get started with is right here, after this link. It's a free report on all the hows you need to get going, complete with FAQs:

How you can master the negative, whiney, stressed part of your mind

There is a very wise man called Dan John. His specialty is training people to get strong (I guess - my specialty is not, so I’m not 100% sure). What I love is that as well as being into muscles, he’s a philosopher as well - he lectures in Religious Studies at a university level. I love soaking in the wisdom of wise people. The kind of people like Dan who you wished were your uncle or your neighbour, so you could hang out and get wise through just being close to them.

He said that there 3 things you need to do to get good at anything, anything at all - and this goes very well with mastering your mind. Why? Because it is the exact same process as learning any skill.

Are you ready? They are:

1. Show up - i.e. be consistent, no one is an overnight success at anything 2. Don’t quit - i.e. be stubborn enough to keep going until you get there 3. Ask questions - i.e. be courageous enough to risk looking silly and ask everything you have

And at the risk of ruining a wise man’s words by adding my own, I would throw in:

4. Enjoy the process -

i.e. it’s your choice whether you’re miserable or content, whether you’re so far ahead of yourself and lost in your future goal or whether you are present to each and every step along the way, whether you enjoy this moment or not where ever you find yourself.

What do you reckon about that? Keep everything that simple and you'll fly.

Go well! Arjuna

PS. And of course, if you’d like to learn what I use to master my mind, to keep the overwhelm, the nastiness, the worry away? This is what I recommend:

PPS. I'm still travelling about in New Zealand, and having a lovely time thanks. Turns out these will be less frequent in coming, but rest assured I do still love, appreciate and respect you. If you need anything? If I can help? Please just drop me a line. Talk more soon.

They know where you are, ALL the time

Listening to the radio the other afternoon - Sumati likes to have music on when she’s in the kitchen. And she is a great cook, so whatever she needs to get in the zone is fine with me, you know? Usually I don’t like listening to radio DJs, they tend to prattle. However this one time was very interesting to me.

You know there’s a feature on your mobile where your loved ones can tell where you are at all times? Like a locater rescue beacon but perhaps more sinister.

The story came that the DJ was in the gym and noticed the guy, the same guy every time, just sitting in the corner on his phone. He asked phone guy what he was up to.

Phone guy explains: “Well, you see my girlfriend knows where I am. A while back I promised to go to the gym because she wanted me to, and now she checks. So I come here and watch Netflix”.


Is it just me, or is there something a bit mad about that? I get doing things because Sumati wants me to, I get the “giving-ness” of doing that when you’re in a relationship with someone. However, I WANT to. I want to do the things that are really important to her. It’s really no biggie if I tidy away the toilet roll inners rather than following my natural tendency (which is to build a little cardboard pyramid with them) … And yet - if I’m doing things for her or anyone and in my heart of hearts I really don’t want to, then resentment builds … right?

Doing things you really really don’t want to just because you don’t want to communicate it out is a recipe for disaster. Sucking it up and keeping the peace is one thing, a great thing, and yet sometimes you have to be honest. Because if you’re not honest about the things that you really do and don’t want to do now, you’ll be forced to be honest about them later. And that is quite often significantly explosive and messier.

What kind of life is it not truly living your life?

Indeed. Go well! Arjuna

PS. Free guide to meditation and mindfulness? Why not ?… Be warned though, it has the tendency to change your life. If I would say one thing it has given me, it is the ability to be authentic while being able to give to others so much more. Finding that balance of “me” and “you”:

Patience and other boring things

Apparently the average human has the attention span that is less than a goldfish. What a joke that is.

No focus, no patience, no immersion in this moment. No flow, no satisfaction ... nothing and nowhere.

Bored already? Well leave this here, cos this isn’t for you. But it could be the greatest thing you learn to do. If you're bored, you're wasting your life.

For sure, patience sounds boring. Like something your gran would tell you to do.

But when you want something to happen and you’ve done all that you can, patience is your greatest friend. If you want to do something but have no idea what, patience is your best buddy. If you have a problem and need an answer, looked everywhere and can't find one, then patience is your BFF …

However - If you’re waiting at all, then stop … why wait? Why delay your life AT ALL until a future moment comes along that you hope is better, bolder, more beautiful?

Patience. It’s not even the opposite of waiting. When you get good at it, you no longer need patience. Weird huh? Patience is only necessary when you’re begging for the future to arrive, now.

Same deal with boredom - it always exists when your mind’s attention is in the future.

Master future surfing, master your mind, master waiting, impatience and boredom. And a host of other things ...

Honestly - life is far too short to waste on waiting and being bored. When you get aware and mindful your life really starts to come alive. Not WHEN your life changes in someway, but simply because you fully show up to now to you life, exactly as it is.

Discover what it means to truly be alive. How wonderful would that be?

Go well! Arjuna

PS. Try these free guides out - we talk so much about the way you’re living life and how a few adjustments mean you can make it a completely different affair. Impatience, boredom, stress, negativity, wasting life … all flipped on their heads, for you:

What to do when it’s stuck to you like gum to your shoe

Have you ever heard that expression “just let go”? Sometimes it’s helpful, sometimes it’s used like an attack “dude, just freakin’ let it go!”.

How do you “let go”?

Well - the theory and the practice is simple. Letting go is in a way distracting yourself from thinking so much a particular way.

What you focus on, grows - this is the golden rule. Hence the wise man who said "what you sow is what you reap". But whatever you sow, put it in the ground cos that's going to get heavy at some stage. And I personally wouldn't garden in a suit, but up to you.

So in meditation you use the breath (for example) to focus on. In the Ishayas’ Ascension we have Ascension Attitudes which work very nicely indeed. Since what you focus on grows, putting your attention on something else means THAT grows in your attention. You let go by putting your attention on something else.

Simple so far, right?

So what is happening when you try to let go and it keeps on coming back, time and time again? What do you do when it’s strong, and intense, and habitual?

Well - those thoughts patterns ARE habits, so they WILL come up time and time again. They are a well worn groove of thinking that is easy for your mind to unconsciously slip into. You try and let them go and there they are again.

So what is important for you is consistency in letting go, time and time again - like the tennis professional player practicing their shot, time and time again to make it perfect - all so you can finally come to let them be ...

If that makes sense?

Consistency of letting go is key simply because you have focused on thinking a particular way for so long or given it significant mental and emotional weight that it now has the momentum of a runaway train.

Practice makes perfect, and makes peace too. So don’t get discouraged when you find yourself in the same patterns of worry or doubt or anger or whatever … Imagine cosmic Yoda is talking the words on the left to you and be that tennis professional and just get back on the (tennis) horse once again.

You’ll get so good at it, you’ll become unconsciously excellent at it. It will seem like you do it without any attention, automatically. And how wonderful is that? How wonderful would your life be with that kind of mental and emotional resilience?

Amazing is what!

So - go well! Arjuna

PS. If you’re interested, this is exactly one of things I teach here, along with the very cool tools  and the practice to allow you to do that, to let go sweetly and easily:

Numbed? No way - what mindfulness is not

Reading a newspaper article this morning as I was sipping my coffee and feeding the toast/hummus/avocado machine that is Bubba (she's a hipster babe, what can I do?), and I spluttered, a little. The article was about corporate mindfulness programmes to help workers deal with stress. It stated that corporate mindfulness was turning the workers into meek accepting drones. That such practices were getting rid of negative thinking and therefore glossing over, ignoring and not dealing with the root of the problem of working stress in the first place.

Let me tell you something …(just wait a mo while I climb up on this high horse here - hence the artists impression above ... righteous or what?)

And it is something that confuses many people.

They start to do this stuff because they want to get calm - and they do - but they also start to get a little bolshy as well.

They start to see all the places in their lives where they’ve meekly gone along, agreed, given their power away, not said or done the things they felt strongly about.

A regular practice comes along and a fire starts to burn within you, a quiet roar where you see all the places where you have compromised and played small. And boof! As well as calm and contentment you get clarity and JUICE to really live how you want to, you get the courage to go ahead with those difficult words or those difficult actions.

Part of mindfulness and meditation is about acceptance, for sure.

But it’s rational, completely rational acceptance. It’s realising how useless it is to get stressed about all the uncontrollable things that most people get upset about - it is accepting the things you cannot control, in other words. But it equally gives you the clarity to see where you can and want to change the things you CAN control.

And that is the key point that gets missed in this article and similar views. This practice will not numb you. It will not suppress you. It will not and does not turn you into a doormat. It makes you more alive, more You, not less.

Want some? Get started here, with this free guide:

Go well! Arjuna

PS. How can I help you?

Indeed, NO is sometimes best

Last email was all about how any relationship transforms when you give to it. When you give first, you create the very real possibility of enjoying a rich, alive, fun relationship. I said to give and give and give.

And yet! Sometimes the most giving thing you can do is say “NO” … is not give.


I don’t say this to annoy you, but done from a foundation of giving and appreciation, saying no to someone is sometimes the greatest thing you can do.

I used to say YES to everyone and everything. I wondered why there was zero time for me and what I wanted to do. I started to resent people asking for things or advice. Starting to say no was a revelation to me, it really was.

Saying no, also for example, means you can make the time to sit down and meditate. This in turn means you can recharge and refresh, gain a million and one physical, emotional, mental and spiritual benefits and therefore run closer to 100% than 0% (like so many people do).

When you’re running on 100% everyone wins. You can give so much more, and in ways that mean you don’t start to resent anyone.

So sometimes saying NO means you can say YES so much more.

Interesting huh?

Now, there’s no rule book for this. Get present and you’ll find out when and where you might like to say NO more.

Go well! Arjuna

PS. More awareness, more presence in your life? You gain a kind of wisdom, a kind of intuition which means you know the best thing to do in each and every moment.

It’s really pretty cool once you start to experience it.

Here's a simple, and free way of getting all of this and more:

The secret (not that secret, a better one!)

OK - so a semi-serious question for you: How do you want your life to be like? Here’s the secret to having the foundation for an amazing life, free of limitation and doubt and worry and flying off the handle ... beyond coffee and pork pies and tasty, salty, crunchy snacks (of course, those are your foundation, your must haves to a glorious life) …


To create a wonderful future, all you need to do is stop and create a wonderful present. To get to where you want to go, start walking in the right direction. And the right direction for a foundation of freedom from struggle and overwhelm lies in this moment, this one … right here ... is it. Choose to take the half step back and be present.

Makes sense, right?

The choice that means you master any limiting habit such as anger or anxiety can only happen now. Do it now ... and enjoy it - for the path to heaven does not go through hell.

The very best question to get yourself back on an even keel, with perspective, calm and a smile on your face?

How can I enjoy this more?? ^^^ What a great question.

But in order to enjoy this more, you will have to sacrifice a few things. Worry is one. Anger is another. Going off into outrageous futures or clinging to pasts is another. Getting so wound up you can't see straight. Wanting to be right more than wanting to be happy.

Multi-tasking is probably another.

Think you're willing to give up those things for a glorious future? Super ... get going on that right now. Simply do your best to prioritise your peace in this here moment.

As best you can ... if you forget? No deal. Just remember once again.

Go well! Arjuna

PS. When you’re ready, come and join my free 7 day mindfulness "challenge". Most amazing thing ever, I think you'll love it: 

The one thing about worry that stops you dealing with it

I used to regularly wake in the early hours of the night, worrying and anxious … about something, anything. It was always something that my mind would present for me to solve. “Fix this, and then you can go back to sleep”, it would say. And that is the trouble about worry and anxiety, is that it often cannot be solved. Especially at 3am when you’re not thinking clearly, at all.

There is a problem that cannot be fixed right now, and worry means you attempt to fix it, over and over again simply because you believe that if you solve your problem in your head, then you can relax (and go back to sleep).

It doesn’t work like that, does it? You just stay worried.

To get peace and freedom from worry, you have to come to a point where you realise you can’t solve every problem, you can’t predict every outcome. You HAVE to let it float until it comes the time when you can.

To get peace and freedom from worry therefore you have to be prepared to be at peace, WITH a problem, WITH an unknown. Can you do this?

Yes you can, it gets easier with practice. However you have to be prepared to give up your worry. And that is the hard part. Learning to be ok with not knowing. Learning to be that little bit out of control. Learning to be present and not constantly trying to fix the future.

You can do this, if you WANT to, and you're prepared to practice until you nail it (it doesn't take long to get this, from personal experience, I promise.

Go well! Arjuna

PS. Getting the clarity to know what you are in control of and what you are not is key too.

Being more mindful will show you this, and here’s my excellent programme for being more mindful: Jump in, it would be great to have you.

How to be truly stylish

How many stylish individuals do you know? The style I’m talking about is found in the free agents. The ones who have that sense of “nothing to prove, nothing to hide”. They’re not busting their buns trying to be noticed, or trying to be something for someone … they’re just content in who they are. _______

"Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn” - Gore Vidal _______

Style is not letting anyone define your life for you.

What a powerful thing, style, isn’t it? I bet you’ve had those times when you just feel settled. Content. Comfortable in your own skin. Self-contained. There’s an inner sense of “ahhhhhh”. There isn’t even a sense of not giving a damn, you’re just free to live.

This kind of style is a skill you can obtain.

It requires perseverance but no strain. It requires awareness and returning to the present moment. It requires seeing all those self-critical and harsh judgements and condemnations that go through your skull and being indifferent to them. It requires being willing to actively praise and be grateful for your life and for others; it requires an end to gossip.

But you can possess that self-possessed style of being free to exist however you wish. You can. Anything else is just a habit and you can create a new habit.

Start now!

Let me know if you have a question? Or I can help with anything at all.

Go well! Arjuna

PS. A good practice to gather style can be found right here for you: 

Other people are hell?

Other people are one of the biggest challenges in life, aren't they? Pesky fellows never do what you want them to. And you may practice being mindful and aware. Being aware of when you start to get triggered and start blindly reacting so you can take the half step back and choose how you want to respond.

But other people are still the challenge still, aren’t they? Because they AREN’T that aware, and as someone was saying to me the other day, when they get the grumps, so you inevitably follow - even though you practice being calm.


How do they do it? How do they suck you in? How do they destroy your calm?

The fact is that so many many of us have become so used to feeling how other people are feeling that we’re hooked in. It’s almost a survival mechanism - to try and calm the waters, make everyone else feel okay, because then, the thought goes, well then you can be happy.

Or, they react and are grumpy and snappy, and you - previously relaxed - get all het up too. Zero to Grrrr! in 2 seconds flat.

But what kind of happiness is dependent on someone else’s?

No kind of happiness.

You can't do much about other people's reactions and moods. You just can’t. So get good at un-entangling yourself from theirs. You don’t need them to be happy in order to be happy yourself. If they’re in a funk? By all means see if you can assist, but if they’re not interested or slow to respond, then so be it. No reason for you to follow suit. No reason to throw yourself in the pit too.

Don’t be attached to them being any particular way. Just keep practicing choosing to be present, and therefore content and calm, no matter what is going on around you.

Get good at that, and the fascinating thing you’ll find is when you disconnect (not in an uncaring way) but just staying unattached - calm and centred and good - in many cases they lose the motivation to be grumpy, simply because you're not playing.

Which is interesting isn’t it? Sometimes it takes two to tango. You no dance? There is no dance.

Me thinks you’ll have plenty of opportunity to practice what with all the social occasions this December. Plenty of practice is good!

Go well, Arjuna

PS. Here’s a great way of getting better at all of that, and what a wonderful thing that is!