“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
— Theodore Roosevelt
______________________
“I thought I was the only one!”
If I had a small coin every time I’ve heard that … every time I thought that in my younger days.
This is the burden we carry – and the thing we want to free ourselves from.
It’s not the trials and tribulations that we all face.
Though a quick flick through Instagram might suggest that everyone else is eternally happy, secure, achieving, in love and admiration with their partner and families, have six packs and tight arses, and are on holiday.
Social media is a showroom of what we think is success. But it’s carefully curated, selected. A highlight reel of the good times.
And it can be easy to compare yourself, thinking you alone aren’t doing a very good job of living.
“I thought I was the only one!” is a lonely place. A difficult place.
Until you have those open conversations with real, honest and genuine people –
And you realise it’s all a trick.
No one has it sorted.
No one truly knows. Everyone is making it up as they go along. They’re doing their best in the circumstances.
You’re not the only one. You’re not fundamentally broken.
We all have self-doubt and the feeling you’re doing it wrong and time is running out.
We all dabble and dance and deal with internal struggle and self-judgement.
Until we don’t.
Until we make peace with not knowing.
Until we find a way of living from a different place within that has nothing to prove and nothing to hide; totally at ease in your skin.
Until you let life be guided by the kind of rightness that you feel, that you know … in terms of what is right and Good for you.
There confusion and doubt and “I’m doing it wrong” can evaporate and never return.
It is a lonely road, but it’s the only road you have.
But do embrace this road, for you have a kind of destiny.
What’s right for someone – getting married and having kids at 21 – was a nightmare for me. Married and kids at 43 instead.
Then it felt right, then I was ready.
At 28 I threw away a career as an outdoor instructor doing something I loved and something useful for the people I met, until all of a sudden it wasn’t right any more.
No job, no partner, no family, no pension, little savings. Scared? Confused? You betcha: I was terrified. Yet simultaneously I was over the moon; excited about what would come next.
Some of us thrive in a steady job for life, moving up the ladder. Others need the freedom of self-employment or other kind of self-determination, making their own ladder as they go.
Routine and steadiness? Or uncertainty and freedom?
What’s better?
What’s good for you?
That IS the question.
You’re not the only one. We are the only ones. And that is what matters.
Go well,
Arjuna
PS.
Find that place within you that is secure and content and alive:
Happy and free of expectation and comparison and confusion.
Wise and complete and totally present.
Free of judgment – a sanctuary from “I’m no good”.
There life can be truly lived.
The next Ascension meditation course is 31 March - 2 April (starts 7pm Friday). Just ask if you’d like more details.
It would be lovely to have you.