“In life, pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.”
— Buddhist saying
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Sometimes, despite all the good work we put in to choose a better way of responding to the slings and arrows that get chucked at us in life, life can just get in and be hard and painful.
The unwelcome and unexpected sometimes just sting; they weigh heavy. Maybe it’s a fresh hurt or injury, maybe it’s something we’ve been sitting on for a while that’s decided the time is right to heal.
Whatever –
The best I can offer to deal with this, after a quarter century of study and practice, is you will find your way through.
Somewhat vague and limp direction in a world that wants a quick fix – but it’s the best I got. Maybe the lack of quick makes it all the more truer.
Keep going and you will find your way through, and in doing so you’ll become a better person for it.
Post-traumatic stress becomes post-traumatic growth. You always learn something about yourself and your life, and the human condition that means you can help someone else.
This might be worth the price of admission, unasked as it might be. But that light at the end of the tunnel seems to make sense, so you can come to allow and therefore endure.
Enduring does come from allowing.
You see, it is also true that finding your way through can be smooth and graceful or it can be filled with struggle and denial. That much is our choice. The fact that it’s happening isn’t. You gotta face that fact; and the clear facing of the facts means grace comes.
In other words, the lack of resistance on our part means intolerable suffering transforms into simple pain. Suffering is hell, while pain … well, it’s not ideal but we can deal with it.
It will also show you that you can only take one step at a time.
An ultimate truth that all the wise teachers of the world have been telling us for millennia, but finding your way through will show you they were right.
Regardless of your plans and schemes, life can only be lived right now. All you have is right now. All you know for certain is right now.
You can deal with right now; you can’t deal with any other moment. Often you just don’t have the capacity or clarity, but also all the suffering lies in the thinking about the past and any number of possible futures.
Bring yourself back to where your body is. Do now, and you’ll find yourself free of suffering. Jump back into time-travelling and it hurts, and immediately. With practice you’ll stay.
This is priceless, not just for what you’re facing now, but for every part of life. There’s a reason why all the wisdom Teachings of the world have the same core message.
You can launch back into your grand ambitions and schedules, but for the time it takes to find your way through, dial it right back. Look after the essentials for a moment.
And one of those essentials is to appreciate.
Regardless of how bleak your mind can paint your life, there’s always something you can find that is beautiful. Nature, a song, a cup of tea, a smile, the wind/sun/rain … find a little something. There always is when you look.
Last but not least …
There’s a ton of people who love you and want to help you thrive again. You just have to ask, even if you feel like you least deserve it.
Fate has a funny way of matching you with the right people – not necessarily immediately, there’s lessons in the journey of asking for help too – but there is people who know what you’re going through, that won’t judge you, that know when to listen and when to distract or gently push you.
You just need to ask. That might be the hardest thing, but just ask and talk. Don’t be shy in getting what you need.
But all in all, try not to overthink it. You will find your way through. It will show you a better version of you – and so maybe you’re not being punished, you haven’t done anything wrong, maybe life is poking you to find your way to something filled with more Life, not less. Hurrah for that.
Now, if I can help, let me know.
Go well,
Arjuna
PS.
An essential human skill, whether you’re in the middle of something tough or not, is to learn how you create suffering through over-thinking and stressing and how you can get out of your mind and into calm, clear, present awareness.
This is a cornerstone human skill, and the most underrated.
It’s never a case of if life will life you, but when.
Get the skill of mindfulness down now, not just when life is tough, and all of life will elevate.
To help, I have some free meditation audios you can download and get stuck into.
Check the link in my bio, or let me know and I’ll get the links out to you.
Talk soon!