"We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give."
— Winston Churchill
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Apologies – a little click-baity title. Let's be clear: what follows isn't more valuable than gratitude, but it's just as important.
Again, I’m not dissing gratitude. Orienting your attitude to noticing what you have, what you approve and love, is very important. Otherwise Threat Brain (that stressed out part of us trying to keep us safe yet ends up overreaching itself) left alone in the wild of our modern lives will focus on all the things that have gone wrong and might go wrong.
What you focus on, grows. Gratitude is the antidote to that, to taking everything you have for granted.
Practice gratitude and watch your version of reality, and your mood, change. It’s a super important law.
However, it can be a little passive. Gratitude can become about what you receive; but what about what we give?
Psychologists, life coaches and meditation teachers know that the capacity to make a difference is vital for our own wellbeing and sense of balance. “How can I help?” turns out to be useful on both sides of the equation.
So while you practice gratitude, also seek to be useful, to be helpful, to contribute. If you like writing gratitude lists, add a second list. Ask yourself: "What are three ways I was useful to others today?”.
Now, your ability to contribute in a way that is meaningful to you forms an important part of a satisfying and fruitful life.
Many people are looking for meaning and purpose, and so this is great thing to work out. (Hey … do take time from the busy-ness of your life to consider. Getting perspective and direction is really key.)
How do you find that?
It’s essentially a three-way conversation between:
1). what you like or love to do,
2). what you’re good at,
and
3). what does the world need? i.e. what problem interests you in solving.
This third piece has been explained many great ways, from the basic “what are you intrigued by?” to what problem makes you go ‘grrrrrr’? That emotional response is a sure sign of motivation.
Once you find that three-way sweet spot, your 'reason why' becomes your fuel. It matters not who you are and what you’re doing — a reason why keeps you going when it all seems like it’s too much, and there’ll be plenty of times when life will appear like that.
It can be anything. How would you like to contribute? You may want to alleviate the suffering of cancer, you may want to show your kids what it’s like to do hard things. It can be anything.
It’s important not to answer the questions in terms of should, as in “I think other people would like me to choose this direction”, but in what really appeals to you. It’s also important not to stop because of self-doubt, i.e. “I could never have that impact”. If ‘what the world needs’ seems like too much, maybe consider, “what does MY world need?”. So start ‘small’ if you like.
But, the motivation to keep going is there. You at least like the thing, you’ve got some skills (and it always feels good to express these), and you’re focused on something that moves you emotionally: a winning combination.
Once you have something, regardless of how ‘solid’ it feels to you, make a start. Sally forth, try the direction you’d like to contribute on for size. Good? Or needs adjustment? Tweak as needs, but important last question — how will you remind yourself? In a life full of busyness and distractions, how will you remember?
Remembering what's truly important is a big part of this game, so that's always a good question to ask.
Last quote from our man Gandhi on this topic: "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Enjoy! Let me know how you get on.
Go well,
Arjuna
PS.
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