“You don’t learn to not be afraid. You learn that you can cope and be brave. And those are way different things.”— Jordan Peterson
That’s the right thing, bang on the money … at least I think so.
I’ve kind of known the above about fear, but it’s taken someone to put it such a clear way that it's now so obvious.
But we have an appalling relationship with fear and worry, don’t we?
We try and remove fear from the equation altogether, getting even more panicky when we can’t.
“There’s nothing to be worried about.” … how often have we heard that? How often have we SAID that?
The thing is, there is SO much to be afraid of. This world is full of things that can ruin our health, reputation, financial standing, and the people we love.
“There’s nothing to be worried about” then is a clear lie, and that is never more obvious than when you’re in the middle of worry.
No wonder people get a little nervous and then think they have some kind of mental disorder, trying to suppress the nerves and just making it worse and worse.
We don’t as a culture have a healthy relationship with fear.
So the answer really isn’t “Stop worrying!”, but “Am I feeling brave enough for this?” … Which makes a world of difference – and you get to decide.
And that is the thing I’ve always known, somewhere deep in my being.
Life is uncomfortable. Growth is uncomfortable. Letting go of the old is uncomfortable. Telling the truth is uncomfortable.
There will always be uncomfortable moments in life, and the way through is not to hide and wait to be comfortable, but to get used to being a little uncomfortable from time to time.
Then, ironically, that which was uncomfortable becomes more comfortable.
Move towards, not away. Open up, don’t close down. Be wide open, non-limited awareness, not some kind of traffic controller, letting some parts of your experience through and holding others at arms length.
The gift of opening up to fear is that you see you remain undiminished; when you stay out of the story you create around fear, you see you can’t get lost to chaos. You see clearly in your own experience that chaos is not imposed on us; we create it through our own resistance.
You gain every single time when you stop struggling and in perfect acceptance and awareness, open up.
And in these “uncertain” times there is nothing more I’d like to give the world than to know this.
Go well,
Arjuna
PS.
I edited another little video snippet from that talk I did recently.
It’s about resistance and Acceptance and what to do when your plans get chucked out the window. Since all of our plans are out the window at the moment, it might be a good watch.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSGQWPiDSNw
I’ll have another one the week after for you too.
And if you’re after something a little longer, here’s the recording of the “Nine Lessons Lockdown Can Teach You About Life” talk I did last week:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_XN_hIqZbY&t=1s
Take it easy out there!