I was recently complimented on the seeming attentiveness I was giving to a fellow speaker on a course.
I kinda shrugged my shoulders, mumbling, “That’s what I do …” but it brought up an interesting point.
If people were more aware how vital their attention and presence is, they would not throw it away as casually as they do.
And we do.
We’re all over the place. Our minds shift constantly to the next shiny object, jumping around like the old mad monkey searching for the perfect banana. And we wonder why our relationships aren’t so satisfying, why we get bored and trawl Instagram for something to excite us … we wonder why mental health is such a rare commodity these days.
No one’s taught us this stuff, in fact, our culture has it completely backwards. The truth is, as a very old saying goes:
The quality of a conversation isn’t in the quality of the talking, it’s in the quality of the listening.
Which is not how we see the world, is it?
We expect the world to entertain and educate us – as if we are a passive end link in a one-way chain.
Yet you aren’t a mere digester and consumer. You are an active and integral part of the conversation, of everything.
The fact is:
Your active receptiveness and attention is creative. It nourishes whatever it’s placed on.
If you’re eating but not tasting, there is no food. If you’re with someone but not actually listening, there is no conversation … even if you’re thinking about how you’re going to reply … that’s not paying attention.
It takes two to tango, and the follower is key.
Your attention can draw a higher quality from a speaker – if they, in turn, are fully paying attention – because it brings out the truth. It nourishes and adds to; it creates something bigger.
Your full and complete presence is an act of love. It is supportive and nurturing; it holds the space for clarity and creation; it’s compassion in action.
And we don’t realise this, so we throw our attention away. We multi-task, we think about anything but what or who is directly in front of us, we have an attention span measured in seconds … and all the people around you - and you by direct link - are less because of it.
So:
If you want more from life, be fully here for it. If you’re in, be ALL in. If you’re not, walk away.
If you love anyone, stop thinking and start giving them the gift of your complete attention. All of it.
Don’t be half-arsed with this.
The level of aliveness in your life is all about how well you can give your attention to something. Aliveness is not about the objects in your life, but freshness and crispness of your attention.
A life of constant flitting from idea to wish to regret to plan to drama? Or the end of boredom: a complete life – juicy, full and fresh?
As always, it all comes back to you.