“Difficulty shows what men are. Therefore when a difficulty falls upon you, remember that God, like a trainer of wrestlers, has matched you with a rough young man. Why? So that you may become an Olympic conqueror; but it is not accomplished without sweat.”
— Epictetus, former slave and Greek Stoic philosopher
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I wasn’t really sure what it was, but I found what I think (I hope) was a mummified grape in my pants drawer this morning.
It took me some time to identify it, and I really hoped it wasn’t a) something more personally biological, and b) there wasn’t a whole lot more hiding amongst my clothes.
This is such a small example, but you parents will appreciate the sheer chaos and mayhem that comes with herding the cats that are our children.
The line between love and madness is very fine when you’re dealing with these little monkeys.
Now, I do love … and this won’t come as a surprise to those who have gotten these for a while … I do love pithy quotes.
“Pithy” being a word in a final exam question when I was 21 that I had no idea what it meant, leading to much hair pulling. Now, one click on my laptop and it tells me it means, “succinct, terse and vigorously expressive”.
I may have fallen flat on my face in that exam paper, but I will never forget that word! (That’s appreciation and a glass half-full for you.)
So yes, I love vigorously expressive quotes.
Why?
Because they remind me about being the person I want to be, and the life I want to live – despite the challenges and setbacks of life.
Curiously, I don’t have any pithy quotes about the reality of living with children.
I have a ton about the blessings, such as this beauty from Dostoevsky:
“The soul is healed by living with children.”
True. And yet it doesn’t always seem that way, does it?
Life isn’t always smooth and easy and rainbows, despite all the advice I, and the internet, has to offer.
(We’re talking children here, but feel free to add your own challenges in.)
And yet,
Aiming to be a little bit better is so much better than being permanently lessened by the hits of life. After all, life will life you, so you might as well learn to dodge and weave.
My goal is to learn to surf the waves, not be swamped by them. And in that, progress, not perfection, is an incredibly useful attitude.
That’s what I hope to convey with these words, and the pithy maxims that come with:
Life may never be easy, there may always be challenges, but perhaps that’s good?
Maybe that’s what you want, in a grander scheme of things?
I heard a definition of hell being when the person you became meets the person you could have been.
Whatever –
I think we all want to grow, to make progress to mastery, to shape our reality, and to find freedom regardless of whatever reality we find ourselves in.
Sometimes – often – we’ll fall.
Sometimes – often – we’ll ride the waves of life beautifully.
And just before home time, just with the finish line of the day appearing, we’ll catch an edge and slam hard into this mother earth.
Oof. And it was going so well …
But.
Progress; not perfection.
Whatever the judgements of your own head – you’re not broken. You’re not fundamentally flawed. You’re not the only one.
You’re likely exhausted, overloaded, overwhelmed, with too much on your plate.
A little rest, a little perspective, a little reminder of what is truly important, and that, in the words of a Japanese saying,
“Fall down 8 times, get up 9” …
And inevitably you get better.
What tripped you up last year is now a minor speed bump. (We forget that though; we forget how far we’ve come so easily).
All because you kept picking your head up, and did your best.
Life doesn’t become free of challenges, but with practice, little by little, your dealings do get smoother.
You do become more resilient; anti-fragile.
You do gain an appreciation of the madness of it all, and you learn to laugh (or grimace) at it – and yourself.
Little by little your life changes.
So remember that, in the middle of whatever chaos you may find yourself in.
Now –
Your mind is the key to all of this.
It’s a wonderful tool, but a terrible master.
See what it does, see how it defines and judges and expects all over you. See how it wants to keep you continually busy, how it worries and fears and gets so mad and frustrated and resentful.
Practice going beyond it. Practice driving your own mind – rather than the other way around – and you’ll find becoming more skillful at living life easier.
A little time practicing the right things pays off incredibly.
Take the time. Get back up. Go again, from a different place. Little by little, progress not perfection.
If you need any assistance, just let me know. I’d love to help.
Go well,
Arjuna