Sitting on this frosty autumn morning, Zach and I waited for his classroom to open. At five years old, to my statement, “Today will be a great day”, he told me that “It will be what it’ll be”, and that he was "totally okay with the way he was." I thought that was a nice bit of wisdom, but I dug a little deeper.
"What about being kind? Brave? Helpful? Grateful?" I asked. "Can you choose to be more of those things? Can you change in that way?"
“Oh for sure,” he nodded like this was obvious, and then switched to talking about Hot Wheels. There's wisdom in not overthinking things, too.
We humans contain multitudes, often opposites.
It's important to accept yourself, but not as a final word. Maybe you're feeling anxious, lonely, frustrated, and over-thinking everything — wonderful. Acknowledging what's going on is the first step.
But what's next? What are you doing about it?
The belief that this is "just the way I am" is a dangerous one. You can change, but it takes work and practice. You wouldn't expect to be strong at the gym, fluent in a new language, or shred on a guitar immediately. Living a lighter, more joyful life also takes practice.
This is the rub – "You are perfect exactly as you are, and you could do with a little work,” as a Zen master once said. Yes, you are who you are, AND there are foundational skills of being human. Practice these right things and life gets easier and more fun in a hurry.
Yet instead of putting in the work, we've medicalised our mental fitness and resilience, treating it like something that can be fixed with a quick pill.
Drugs can help! But as an adjunct, not a standalone solution.
Even in optimisation culture, people seek the perfect stack of supplements to think more clearly. But I know people who take these expensive pills and powders and yet still can't sit alone with their thoughts for ten minutes without it being torture.
They're called supplements for a reason — they supplement a practice, they don't replace it. Protein powder is next to useless without exercise; supplements are next to useless without practice.
Practice. Practice. Practice.
There is so much you can do — from journaling and service to expressions of gratitude and meditation. Meditation, I would argue, is the most powerful: sitting with your thoughts and feelings and learning how to ignore and direct them is priceless.
In a world of dire mental health stats, these skills are more vital than ever: the ability to be present, to connect with others, to focus and make a difference, to recover, to switch off, and sleep. These aren't abstract concepts, they aren’t fixed and “just the way you are”, like your eye colour or your height — they are the transformative skills that allow you to take the raw material of your life and turn it into something meaningful.
And the best part? It’s all within you. You are just the way you are, until you’re ready to do something about it. Then you can get going.
Need a place to start? My books, “200%” and “Chasing More and Finding Enough”, are full of ideas to help you along. The free meditations I send out when you sign up to my email list are perfect too. Just plug and play.
If you have any questions, just shout. I’d love to hear how you’re getting along.
Go well,
Arjuna
PS.
Want to dive deeper than a book allows? I also do one-on-one mentoring and transformative weekend courses. Let me know if you’d like details.