Friends with Benefits: Arjuna’s Casual Sex Agony Aunt Advice

So I get asked a lot of advice, and some times I can give it because I’ve lived through the same situation.

One such situation I want to share with you is about casual sex.

I bring sex into this email not only to titillate but because it’s important to have a healthy relationship with it. And for years I didn’t.

Meditation for me is about inner peace and clarity yes, but it also needs to give you the awareness so you can make better choices.

Meditation is useless if it doesn’t help you live your life better.

A young fellow, in the prime of his youth, emails me asking about a “friends with benefits” style relationship. Meeting up for sex, and sex only.

See he’s stuck, just a little bit.

(Good sir, if you are reading - all my words here, so excuse me if I mix this up)

His mind says “yes!” - this is the perfect thing that you have always wanted. Sex without commitment. Hurrah!

His heart says “No! This feels hollow and horrible and unsatisfyingly temporary”. Boo hoo.

We come to a place many of us find ourselves in - switching and swopping between a “yes!” and a “no!”.

What to do?

I too always thought casual sex was my idea of heaven, but ultimately it just felt hollow and pointless.

There's that social idea though, that men should go wild especially when you're young.

But I tried it and was disappointed.

Thick as I am, it did take some time to catch on.

For me, the connection between the two people has become much more important.

And how am I going to get that connection without some kind of commitment, and work?

What I realised, the bottom line for me, was that relationships take investment and time and effort on my part.

The more I put in, the more I get out.

The physical part of sex is a thousand times better when I’m invested in the person I’m having it with.

It may be different for you - and don’t let me tell you what to do - but I’ll put myself on the line here and say it is the same for everyone.

If you are truly honest with yourself, the thing that you (and everyone else), squirm away from the most is commitment and persistence and long term work.

It is easier to run away and sedate than face yourself.

Cos that’s what’s happening when you are in a relationship. You get to clearly see all your “stuff”: all your insistences, all your neediness, all your negativity, all your patterns.

It’s easier to hide than transcend.

But rising above all your stuff is the only way to grow, the only way to make sure you live a life worth living.

And that’s what life is about. Living large.

A little deep, but just what was needed this morning I guess.

Don’t compromise a fully rich and satisfying life. It takes work, but it’s worth everything.

If you want the tools to do this, email me. I got them, I can teach you simply.

15-17 April. £200. Done.


- Arjuna

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