When I was a younger fellow, my sister and I went bungy jumping - off a huge bridge, into a gorge below.
That was the plan anyway.
She went first. They hooked her up, she jumped, no hesitation.
Me? I was terrified before I had even climbed down onto the little platform.
I’ve always been afraid of heights - well, jumping off heights. But I had learnt that if I could push my fears by doing stuff like kayaking and rock climbing then:
a) the rush was amazing, and …
b) the sense of certainty and inner peace that came after was extraordinary (I hadn’t discovered Ascension meditation back then)
So I decided that I could actually jump off a bridge, and I would like to.
I got on the little platform, they hooked me up, and with legs a trembling I found that I couldn’t even stand straight. I was leaning way back you see, in an attempt to get away from the drop.
I knew I wanted to do it, I just needed a moment, or two.
The guys operating the jump started mouthing off: “Strap it on”, “Come on you big girl”.
And at that all the magic was gone.
I got them to undo me and I walked away. And didn’t regret it at all.
In that moment I saw the difference between doing something because other people think you should - and are yelling at you to - and doing something because you want to.
Doing something in your way, in your own time and on your own terms, because you know that’s the way you’re going to do it.
I saw the perverse side of me that would rather walk away than do something because “I should”.
I also saw that you can be so filled with fear, but also a knowing that you’re gonna do it anyway despite the emotion, despite the thoughts.
There is such a sweetness in that. Everything focusses, everything becomes super present.
And then some oik shouts in your ear and it all crashes.
Ah, it’s a fun game this life.
The lesson in my non-jump experience? I’m sure there are many but my coffee hasn’t kicked in yet.
But I know experiences like this led directly to me wanting to be the boss of my own mind. To find calm in the face of everything. To know my own mind and do things because I want to, not cos I should.
And so, should you feel the same, I would welcome you on my Ascension meditation course. 15-17 April, £200.
Email me for a very comfy chair.
I’ll leave you with that. Have a superb day!
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