Listening to the radio the other afternoon - Sumati likes to have music on when she’s in the kitchen. And she is a great cook, so whatever she needs to get in the zone is fine with me, you know? Usually I don’t like listening to radio DJs, they tend to prattle. However this one time was very interesting to me.
You know there’s a feature on your mobile where your loved ones can tell where you are at all times? Like a locater rescue beacon but perhaps more sinister.
The story came that the DJ was in the gym and noticed the guy, the same guy every time, just sitting in the corner on his phone. He asked phone guy what he was up to.
Phone guy explains: “Well, you see my girlfriend knows where I am. A while back I promised to go to the gym because she wanted me to, and now she checks. So I come here and watch Netflix”.
Is it just me, or is there something a bit mad about that? I get doing things because Sumati wants me to, I get the “giving-ness” of doing that when you’re in a relationship with someone. However, I WANT to. I want to do the things that are really important to her. It’s really no biggie if I tidy away the toilet roll inners rather than following my natural tendency (which is to build a little cardboard pyramid with them) … And yet - if I’m doing things for her or anyone and in my heart of hearts I really don’t want to, then resentment builds … right?
Doing things you really really don’t want to just because you don’t want to communicate it out is a recipe for disaster. Sucking it up and keeping the peace is one thing, a great thing, and yet sometimes you have to be honest. Because if you’re not honest about the things that you really do and don’t want to do now, you’ll be forced to be honest about them later. And that is quite often significantly explosive and messier.
What kind of life is it not truly living your life?
Indeed. Go well! Arjuna
PS. Free guide to meditation and mindfulness? Why not ?… Be warned though, it has the tendency to change your life. If I would say one thing it has given me, it is the ability to be authentic while being able to give to others so much more. Finding that balance of “me” and “you”: