Harvard says here's how you can change how people think of you

I few days ago I wrote about how you can't control what other people think about you.Turns out I was wrong - ha! I love it when I'm wrong.

You CAN affect what other people think of you. You see:

A Harvard Psychologist says being present means other people think three things about you:

- you are believable - you are confident without being arrogant - you are seen to be honest - your verbal and non-verbal communication is in sync.

Isn’t that nice?

Here's the link if you want to have a quick shifty yourself:

Now this study was done by the woman that invented the “power pose” - a way of standing adopted by politicians and corporate peeps en mass for a while there that increased positive hormone levels and confidence ... but actually there wasn’t a lot of science behind it.

However - never let a lack of science get in your way.

If you are feeling low, sick, depressed - try standing up as tall as you can, roll your shoulders back and lift your chin. Makes a world of difference to your inner state.

Back to the main point though -

I know Harvard hasn’t worked out how to measure a bunch of different “effects” on other people of you being present, but it is true:

When you are present other people notice. It’s a rare thing, really it is. Because not many people are that present. They aren't.

Not many people truly listen without formulating a reply at the same time. Or maybe they’re thinking about that thing at work, or what Jo Bobbalina said to them this morning. Or maybe they’re just plain old on their phone. Still amazes me when I head out to the restaurant or pub of how many people are not communicating, just flicking.

People spend more time paying attention to their own thoughts than to their outside world. Harvard hasn't measured it yet, but that is true, believe me.

So when you get present, people notice. Actually - The greatest thing you can give anyone is your full attention. It changes everything.

Try it - with your kids, your partner, with the people you meet in your day. Give them your full attention and see what happens. Let me know!

(The picture is of my favourite stock image girl showing you one way of fully listening to someone - why not try that!? Heh heh)

And the great thing is for you: You won’t miss a single moment of your life. Which is kind of a big deal, considering here it is, right in front of you. You’re fully present to your life, not lost in your head thinking about it.

You show up for your life! How about that then?

Awesome - go well, Arjuna

PS. Show up! Here’s how to get rid of those habits and patterns which mean you don’t show up. And it's free to you because you are awesome:

Amazing - Give this, and you get so much more

I think I’m getting pretty good at this relationship thing. I said that to Sumati the other day and a funny thing happened. She squarked and coffee came out her nose. Weird huh? I used to be terrible, but I wanted to get better because I was SO terrible, or at least, distinctly average. I always thought it was their fault, but then I woke up and realised it was mine. That wasn’t really a nice realisation, but it was a good one.

You see - All my relationships were based on waiting for her to give to me, because basically, “I deserve it”. My whole approach was “what can I get from her?” Gimme gimme gimme - it could have been my name. And quite often I was left wondering why my relationships didn’t sparkle, why they weren’t really alive, why they just failed.

“It must be her fault” I mused … wrongly. Here’s the thing: if you want a super alive, connected, loving, exciting relationship where arguments and disagreements seem to rarely happen … ?

Give. Give. Give and give. You first - give and then, you will get. It’s easy to get complacent in a busy relationship. It’s easy to take the other for granted. However, you have the key:

Give. The greatest thing you can give? Like I said the other day - first your presence, your complete attention. And second - easy peasy - your active appreciation and gratitude.

Praise and appreciate til the cows come home and watch what happens. Not only will your relationships light up, but your whole attitude to your life will.

Go well! Arjuna

PS. Your habits around giving are probably all twisted up. Like many people you can be more free around giving, and indeed, receiving. The great news is these programmes can be refined, retuned, replaced.

Here’s the secret, I reckon:

The 2 things that cause more trouble than anything else

Money and relationships are the two things that will cause most people the most grief. Worries and anxieties about money. Worries and anger and resentment at other people. Grrrr … And this time of year they collide in spectacular ways - what with Christmas and various celebrations going on, don’t they?

I kind of understand why some spiritual traditions totally give up money and relationships - perhaps because they’re seen as too hard work.

But they are so valuable, extremely valuable, and not to be avoided at all. They will show you so much about yourself and as such can be an excellent source of evolution …

If you are willing - and that is the key part - if you are willing they will show you …

Your fears, your prejudices, your past experiences, when you hold tightly to something or someone, your jealousies and comparisons …

Where you’re not being present to this moment, where you’re blaming someone else for your reactions … and so much. Where you fly off the handle in outrageous ways …

Where you can claim back more choice for you - freedom of personal choice - and not let your mood be dictated by anyone or anything.

So look carefully at these things. What can you learn from them? Perhaps it’s simply to be more present, worry less about the things you have no control over? Perhaps it’s to ask for what you want from someone else, and not hold back so you get angry and resentful? Perhaps its to make sure you look after yourself, take even a few moments just for you, to regroup, to get present, to get calm?

Welcome these things, don’t hide from them. This is the university of life - it will help you master your mind so you can end all stress and suffering, and have the most amazing of lives.

Isn’t that wonderful? I think so. Questions? Lemme have them!

Go well, Arjuna

PS. If you want to make your next 7 days spectacular, amid the chaos and busy-ness of the season? Try this little mindfulness challenge: 

Why inconsiderate people are amazing

Why is it that kids' toys are so darn tooting noisy?

I was driving down the street with a toy wedged somewhere in the back,

I fully knew it was there because every little bump meant it starts singing to me,


Every bump starts it again.

Oh boy … who left that in the car??

I know who.

Cue chuntering about whose fault it is.

And where do these toys come from?

Sumati and I didn’t buy them.

More chuntering …

All kinds of relatives must have been throwing them in the house …

Like brightly coloured plastic grenades,

Then standing back, sniggering, waiting for us to blow our tops.

Ahhh … they’re really not being inconsiderate, are they?

Anyway -

Young bubsy, my progeny ... is a master at "letting go"

Something happens, she doesn't like it, then she’s over it.

Done and dusted.

Something happens to us, we don't like it, and we carry it for, oooh ...

At least a week.


To bubsy, it’s not something that’s done TO her, just something that happened.

You carry stuff well beyond the incident,

Whether that’s a mad toy driving you nuts or an argument in the swimming pool with another parent …

Because it's done TO you, someone is to blame, and you need to make sure you're right -

Even just in your own head.

And because you have built a habit of constantly re-going over the past,

It becomes so you can’t NOT go over it.

The secret to be like bubsy and “let go” is to become more present.

Then unpleasant stuff can happen,

You respond accordingly,

Then you move on.

That would be an amazing skill wouldn't it?

Such freedom there.

So if you do meet someone inconsiderate?

Consider it your chance to practice being more free.

How amazing is that?

Then you can thank them too ...

heh heh

Go well!



Of course, I reckon meditation is your way forward -

Not only for becoming more present,

But helping you let go of stuff that you’re holding onto.

Works like gangbusters.

(Whatever one of those is - but it sounds amazing!)

Head this way if you want to learn more,

A super simple, and super free guide to being more mindful:

Thanks … And About Bad Habits

I've been asking people to write in. I want you to tell me what your biggest challenges are in regard to your levels of calm, focus and happiness, and being the best version of yourself.


It helps me to help you, so much.

Thank you for those who have - I know it takes some gonads to declare this stuff, but I really appreciate it.

And -

If YOU know what the biggest obstacles are in your life you can make a plan to overcome them.

One clear thing that is coming through being a challenge is habits -

Bad habits that mean you don’t do the things you really want to do

Or that mean your relationships aren’t as good as they could be

(simply because you annoy the crap out of your partner when you do these things)

Some of these habits are small, tiny things that lead to small tiny annoyances.

But some are big things that mean your partner perhaps is seriously wondering if you are at all interested in changing for them.

They think you won’t change and therefore they’ve either given up or worse …

May even be looking elsewhere.

It can happen without you even realising.

“Everything is fine” you think - and then: BOOM.

They drop THAT conversation on you and your world seriously gets shaken.

That’s what we don’t realise -

Partially because you don’t communicate with them on this kind of level regularly enough -

Partially because the focus can be about just getting through the day -

It means you don't step back and look at “how can I do some small things to really make my life better?”

Because if you had the above focus then one of the things you would be doing is talking a lot with your partner about how you can give more to them.

Habits are hard to change without motivation to do so.

The best motivation sometimes comes from some one else.

You really get off your arse if you realise how much you’re making your loved ones lives much harder work.

So find your motivation.

Talk this stuff over with your lady or your gentleman …

Find out what they want

See what obstacles within yourself there are to giving them that …

And make a plan together to overcome these obstacles.

Carry out the plan. Keep communicating, tweak plan if necessary, enjoy the rewards.


More lovin' and passion, more aliveness, more excitement. Being part of a team. Connection. More understanding and less stress, less arguments. Fun. Not just sleep walking through life.

Those kind of rewards.

The greatest foundation for seeing this stuff with clarity is Ascension meditation.

Clarity and perspective are wonderful things.

Go here and I’ll help you with all this, and more: Go well!

Arjuna -


If you haven't, do write in and tell me what challenges you’re facing.

It means I can help you so much more, and I’ll reply to you for sure.

arjuna(at) is the address

Thank you!

Anyone Want To Be Alone In A Haunted Hotel Room?

I’m in Stratford Upon Avon in a hotel to do a meditation and yoga course for the next 4 days. England’s most haunted hotel, apparently.

Though I’ve never seen anything yet, it could well be that this new room is the one.

I’ll let you know.

Now, as glamorous as I thought hotel stays were, I’ve become desensitised.

I love teaching, but really don’t like the staying away from home.

I’d rather curl up with Sumati at the end of a day, rather than go it alone in some impersonal, and maybe haunted, hotel.

What a sob story!

What a wiener!

The thing with this trip is that Sumati is in the last 4 weeks of her pregnancy -

Which means things could get serious any day now.

I didn’t realise that ^^^ when I booked this (and next) week’s course.

Not a good look to cancel a course -

But there is no way I’m missing the birth of our child either.

So cross your fingers for me, please?

I’d really like to do both, if at all possible.

What does this have to do with you, meditation and having an amazing life?


There are some crucially important things in your life.

And then there are the top tier - THE absolute essentials.

My relationship has become one of these.

I must admit it never used to be.

I was a little “take me or leave me” in my outlook.

Quite unconcerned, actually.

Funny how a commitment in the form of marriage, and then on top of that a pregnancy, has completely turned that around.

I now really want to make the most of this -

And my Ascension meditation practice makes bringing the best version of me to the relationship super simple.

It’s made it super clear it’s what I give (not what I take) that nurtures it.

The more I give the better it gets.

Do I still get grumpy, annoyed?

Of course.

Do I notice it sooner and take action that is good for both of us?


Sometimes that’s saying something before annoyance reaches anger, many times it’s just letting it go.

And because I’m doing my best to give my best -

Our relationship is better than ever.

It’s alive, and fun, and feels like it’s constantly growing.

Which is very new for me - and I like it.

You know - I keep practicing Ascension meditation because it gives me peace, and meaning, and clarity, and a quiet non-reactive head.

But -

Time with my eyes closed also means I can be a better husband.

When our daughter comes I just know it will help make me a better dad.

Meditation doesn’t take away from your life - it adds to it in a million different ways.

It really does uncover the very best version of you, simply.

It shows you what is important and what is crucial.

It allows you to sort out your priorities - and give to them,

It makes tough times easier, it enables you to keep a sense of humour even when it all hits the fan.

You want that?

It is so simple.

Opt in here and get a FREE guide to meditation. It's 5 pages of highly condensed experience - everything you need to know and nothing you don't:

Go well! Arjuna


Everyone says they’d like to be the very best version of themselves -

Everyone says they’d like a really exciting, close relationship -

But how many do you think actually take the big steps to make sure they have that?

It is so simple to do.

Don’t be the guy that thinks “that’d be nice” and do nothing about it.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. -