Relationship advice from a willing amateur

What I know about relationships is little. In relationships matters I am a complete amateur. A willing amateur though - I realised some years ago that people didn't have good relationships by mistake, or even destiny.

They, like all things, require work.

Good news though. Amateur though I remain, I’ve been looking at this one for a while,

studying, observing and taking notes,

and this is what I reckon contributes to a good relationship with your partner, with anyone. Even the shopkeeper down the road.

These are the things that I need to do to make sure I have a great relationship.

I'm sure there are more, but here's what I got this morning:

- taking time out every day to close my eyes and Ascend - or meditate. If you don’t know how, it can be as simple as sitting comfortably for 10 minutes and noticing your breath.

- making sure I get enough sleep at night

- exercising regularly

- doing my deep breathing practice

- being consistently, actively and outwardly grateful for all the people and things in my life

- doing the things that make me happy and excited about life

- choosing to be content; making this the basis for all things

- knowing that only I can make myself happy.

You see, when I’m functioning well, the relationship functions well. Hmmm… Interesting, huh?

Then comes nurturing the relationship:

- being active in making sure it’s going well, that it’s growing

- making sure my fiancee knows how much I love her. Going out of my way to appreciate who she is and what she does. Doing that as much as possible.

- supporting her to do the things that make her happy and excited about life

- when it comes to things that annoy me, before I open my mouth making sure it’s “big” enough to worth mentioning. Why criticise when it is just something I can get over?

- but communicating as soon and as clearly as I can when I really need to say something. and then letting it go, completely.

- communicating, and then communicating some more.

- giving her my full attention when she wants to talk

- allowing her to be herself, completely and absolutely.

- spending time together, every day, just chatting.

- setting aside date nights, scheduling them if need be

- giving and giving and then giving some more

I'm sure there's more you can come up with, but basically any relationship has the common denominator as you.

You can do so much to nurture any relationship. It just requires the willingness to give completely, and talk, and have fun.

As my brother sagely once commented; "Happy wifey, happy lifey".

Simple then!

Good luck.

Everyone's biggest problem

Everyone’s biggest problem? Trying to become something else.

Hustling. Trying. Straining. Not sitting comfortably at all.

Yes, do and set goals, chase dreams, I’m not talking about that.

I’m talking about two things.

The first is being content now.

A fine skill to have, to appreciate this exact moment, exactly as it is.

To do, but not to put happiness in the future.

The second is the idea that you need to be something else - something you’re not.

To some degree so many people have the belief that they aren’t good enough.

Do you see that in yourself?

That right now, exactly as you are, you’re not enough in some way - there’s something wrong.

It manifests in not doing the things that you want, in not saying the things that you need, in trying to present some kind of image that you think others will find “acceptable”.

That to gain success and/or approval you must rein in your personality and be “professional” or whatever the term is for being safe and a bit boring.

Sure, there is room to be pleasant and to be positive. But change your personality in case someone takes it the wrong way?

Yikes.

Be you!

Don’t present an image. Trying to be something you're not is a path to misery.

Find a way to be totally content and totally ok with you.

Because you are. Totally. And it makes being content so much simpler.

You realise you need nothing else to be happy.

And then everything makes you happy.

Ahh. Happiness all around.

How three feet of madness can throw my mojo

Got to say that I started off struggling this morning. Not that feeling of fighting for breath that I used to get back in the day, more of an attempting to cling to what I used to know.

You see the fiancee and I are staying with her cousin and her three little kids.

Peace and quiet that I used to have?

Haha! Woken at dawn by little monsters turned all the way up to eleven.

New people in the house!! Use them as a trampoline!

Now I have arisen, and the sun is coming up, all I can do is sip my coffee and wait for the internal engine to get going so I can catch up.

Until then, acceptance seems to be the way forward. Resistance is futile. Join the madness as soon as I can.

Something to be said for just giving in to what is.

Makes it easier.

Those thoughts of “this should not be happening to me” become so irrelevant because, well, it is.

It is happening to me.

You can’t always control the situations and circumstances you are faced with, but you can control your reaction to them.

I can speak my peace: “No, not on my head”, but it’s all gotta be based on acceptance. With what is right in front of me.

Not on the plan that I had of sleeping in and getting a little bit of Ascension meditation time.

That is well gone.

Your choice - and a sense of peace - lies right there.

At that point, right there, your life is simple, or full of struggle.

If you have kids, I take my hat off to you. They may well be the greatest Teachers in the world.

Are you good at "wait and see"?

If you are anything like me, you used to just “wait and see”, all the time. I never had the courage to put my hand up and ask that question, even though I really wanted to know the answer. Was a little shy.

I would “wait and see” if someone else would ask, or the speaker would cover my question later.

I would “wait and see” if someone else would express the opinion I had, just to be on the safe side, just to make sure I was right.

I would just let it slide when someone was arrogant or rude or wrong. I tried to tell myself it didn’t matter, I was the better man, when actually it ate me up inside.

Got quite angry and frustrated from just not saying the things I needed to.

I know it takes courage to say and do these things, but for your own sanity, you have to.

Regret and missing out hurts more than a temporary hit to the shame.

I don’t think you’re ever going to be free of the need for courage.

You just get better at taking a gulp and jumping - doing what you need to do.

And why not?

Be clear on all those thoughts that are behind "wait and see" or it's good friend, "I'm not ready yet".

Readiness? Good enough sometimes has to be good enough. Otherwise nothing gets done.

Do not read this, you have better things to do

Stop thinking about it and just go and do it There have been so many times in my life when I’ve thought so much about doing something, and then never actually done it.

There were so many things. So many plans and ideas, so many adventures, so many paths to run down and I let the chance slip away.

There’s something to be said for acting on inspiration. For doing, and then course correcting as you go.

Thinking about it, planning it down to the last detail, well, it’s just a postponing and delaying tactic isn’t it?

You’re delaying because actually you don’t yet have the courage.

When I was a younger fellow I was pretty shy. There was a girl I liked and just never got enough courage to go and talk with. I would sit there all night nursing my drink but never actually going and really talking with her. Planning lines and strategies and just getting more and more nervous and never actually doing anything.

Ever had something similar? Yes, you have.

Sometimes you just have to pounce. In an entirely appropriate way, of course.

I would say there is at least one plan or an idea within all of us that we are waiting “until conditions are perfect”, until we know for sure, until actually we get enough courage.

What is that idea for you?

Why not begin it today?

And if not now, when?

Expect the fear and do it anyway.

Embark, set sail!

What did I tell you? Stop reading, and start doing that thing...

- Arjuna

___________________________ How to be mentally fit, fluid and free www.arjunaishaya.com

When everything is taken away, what is left?

Someone asked me what learning the Bright Path Ishayas' Ascension gave me. I thought it was a funny question, maybe I was feeling cheeky, but what I told her was this:

Nothing. Learning to Ascend gave me nothing at all.

But took away so much.

It took away the doubt and the worry.

It took away thinking so much about everything.

It took away the OCD of checking and rechecking that my front door or car door or office door was actually locked.

It took away the self-sabotage, the thinking I couldn’t do it so I didn’t start.

It took away the fear of failure, of not doing it right, of the world coming crashing around my ears any moment now.

It took away everything that was interfering with me being myself and enjoying all of life.

In that it did gave me the ability to be free and easy and ok exactly as I am.

Interesting huh?

You are the same - you need nothing. You have everything you need already within you.

The best version of you is already there.

You just need to be it.

You need a way of leaving the interference behind.

Finding a way to regularly be that best version of yourself is incredibly important.

Living with limitation is just half a life.

The habits of the mind are the only thing stopping you. They are the only handbrake.

All of your negative patterns come from just thoughts - they don’t have to be real. They can be just an option.

If you look at them clearly, you will have choice over them.

Practice, that’s it. Habits are just something you’ve done several times. Make another habit. Practice being something else.

Be present, come and exist in the same place as your body. There you can thrive.

You need to do so little.

You don’t need to fix anything, just choose to be alive and present, here and now.

Job done.

Personally I would learn to Ascend. It makes everything so easy. It makes being the best version of yourself the natural thing.

You deserve to have everything that is not you taken away, forgotten about.

Start now, and keep going. You'll find it so rewarding. So inspiring. So enjoyable.

You come alive.

Where is the biggest handbrake on your own life?

Did you know that the biggest hand brake on your life lives within your own head? It’s your own thoughts and beliefs that cause you all your suffering, all your doubts, all your worries.

You want to live the best life possible?

You need to closely examine what your own head is telling you.

What if that thought wasn’t true?

What if the opposite was true?

And how are you going to know unless you try?

Your thoughts are holding you back.

Get super clear on what is in your own head and how that relates to the life you want to live.

At some stage you are going to realise that your thoughts are not real, they aren’t a good indicator of the truth.

They are the ghosts of your past - your parents, your family, your friends, your teachers, your coaches, your own paranoias and judgements, whispering in your ear.

They can be just an option. Just one idea. An interpretation.

Your thoughts are limited, by nature.

Find a way to let them go, let them be. Find the life that comes from beyond your thoughts, beyond your mind.

There lies pure inspiration and intuition.

A life lived there is a constant discovery of the limits of your own life. You are constantly expanding, growing, becoming bigger and bolder, and more humble, understanding and loving.

It’s not for the faint-hearted.

There’s an old saying about the only free cheese is the cheese in the mousetraps, and the mice there ain’t happy.

But you’re not here for free cheese. Or the traps.

Have a grand day. Take it easy. Easy does it.

The reason why I don't do blog comments

I love helping people, and I love getting appreciation as much as the next person. But sometimes people get their knickers in a twist and just blah over you. It’s all over Facebook and the internet - opinions.

And I don’t really need more opinions. I haven’t got enough time, seriously. I have a few people who are super clear who I run things past when I need to check, and that is it.

I know I’m not going to make all the people happy all the time. And in fact, I may just annoy some. Hopefully I will annoy some of you regularly. Even make you a little bit angry.

You see if I’m not, then I’m not doing my job properly.

Every time I’ve gotten angry with something someone said to me - it was all because I realised they were right and I was I compromising. Sitting too comfortably.

Their words gave me a kick up the bum right at the perfect time, and the emotional response was all part of that.

It got me where I was keeping something safe and personal and not prepared to see clearly.

The reaction was always a “screw you, it is all someone else’s fault - I don’t need to change”; always straight from the ego.

So if something I say makes you angry, makes you annoyed, gives you some kind of emotion… Excellent. See what there is for you in that. See why.

There is all the growth in the world for you, taking responsibility for your own reactions, seeing your part in any struggle.

And that’s the people I want to talk to, that’s why you’re here.

If you don't want to be provoked, to look and see, just go somewhere else. Find an opinion that matches yours.

I’m not interested in doing battle, and that’s why I don’t do blog comments.

Life is too short to worry about other people’s opinions. Not to be arrogant, but just know that sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do without worrying what everyone thinks.

Take it easy, and have a fine day.

Do you have a choice?

Do you have a choice? I would say yes, absolutely.

In fact, I would say Life itself is your choice. It is made up of everything that you have chosen.

Sometimes it’s easy to blame someone else for things in your life - the results of your choices. But life becomes incredibly simple and clear when you take responsibility for all of it.

Granted, it's not an easy step to take because you can no longer blame anyone else. But then the rewards are all yours - life comes fully into your hands.

What choices might you want to make?

1. Choose to accept

If you can’t change or leave a situation, you must accept it. Complaining about it is as useful as hitting your own head against the wall.

2. Choose how you react

You aren’t so much in control of the situations in your life, but you are in control of your reactions. Choose how you want to react. There lies free choice.

3. Choose your attitude

See the glass as half full, choose to appreciate, to be grateful. Choose to see the silver lining. Choose to define your own version of success.

4. Choose to be present and very alive

Show up for life. Be very present - alive to the essence of this moment. Learn to meditate, learn the Bright Path Ishayas’ Ascension. Then practice it, regularly!

5. Choose to have 200% of life

Be completely balanced. Be calm, clear and centred, and productive, effective and filled with enjoyment in all aspects of your life.

6. Choose to have a blast!

Have fun, keep the peace.

As always, if you need anything, I'm here.

The one thing you must do if you don't meditate

A good meditation practice will bring you everything you want and need for a foundation for the best possible life.

It is so simple. Just close your eyes, breathe, do nothing, absolutely nothing.

It could be as simple as just stopping every now and then. Becoming truly present and open to this moment. Alive to now. And then carrying on.

Removing yourself from the drama of all the urgent things you have to do, centring yourself, getting clear, and carrying on from this new collected place.

But we love to complicate things. We love to postpone.

You don’t do the simple things that bring you the best results.

Well, if you never ever meditate, if you can’t be bothered learning and practicing the one thing that will change your life for the better …

… well, the other crucial thing you could do is develop your mindset.

Your perspective, your attitude.

Choose to see the good, the glass as half-full.

Choose to curb the harsh negative self-talk, choose to be optimistic, choose to find a way.

My medieval friend Meister Eckhart was bang on the money when he said “if the only prayer you say is thank you, it will be enough”.

Even if you just are grateful more often, your life will become richer and fuller. You will be less stressed, less tied up in the small things, less pulled down by life.

It is so simple, so ridiculously simple, and so easy to scoff at.

You don’t have to change or put on a persona, just be thankful.

Find nice things to say and do for the people around you.

Do it!

Make today about being aware of what your thoughts are doing. Cultivate more gratitude and appreciation in response.

Be active with this.

Like with anything, if you keep doing the same things, you’re just going to get the same results.

Okay?

Awesome.

Meditation is your natural state...?

Did you know that the meditative state is your natural state?

I know… hard to believe.

But not the state you might think of, the one where the guy with a bald head and saffron robes is crosslegged on the floor in a cave.

But the state of being totally alive.

Totally aware. Completely at ease. Calm, centred, capable.

Free of drama, struggle, self-doubt.

Free of regret and worry.

If it is your natural state to be like this - then it should be natural to live like this continually, no?

It is just a habit not to.

Just a habit.

The practice to get back to it?

That’s right - closing your eyes, and meditating.

You don’t have to sit on the floor, be comfortable. If you can’t be comfortable you’ll be thinking about your body all the time, and that’s a pain.

Give yourself ten minutes and simply observe everything.

If you wish, try gently noticing the breath as it comes in and out, in and out.

Fight nothing, resist nothing, accept and allow everything.

If how you meditate isn’t working - don’t throw the baby out with the water.

Not all meditation techniques are created equal.

Find a teacher who is alive and at peace.

Get them to teach you a quality tool.

I think you know what I would suggest …

I would personally learn the Bright Path Ishayas’ Ascension, except I’ve already learnt.

No matter.

Take ten minutes for yourself. You will come to love it.

Why not start today?

Lessons from the Army’s bomb disposal team about stress

Midway through a three day course with some bomb-disposal guys from the British Army.

This is my third course with their regiment, and guess what?

It’s not even funded by the government. The bomb-disposal charity the Felix Fund are putting up the cash. Good on them.

Anyhow, what did I learn about stress?

Well, I knew it already, it’s just cool to hear it again.

They love their jobs.

They love it when they have a bomb to take apart. The whole part, sirens, cordoning off the scene, assessing, blowing it up if needed (they have their fingers crossed for this option), everything.

Same when I taught a paramedic to Ascend. I asked her how she liked her job. Her eyes got as big as saucers as she said “I LOVE IT!”

You know what causes the most stress?

Paper work, menial pointless jobs, not doing the things that they love.

And assessments.

Isn’t that funny? No chance of personal harm, just of failing.

The chance of failing causes more stress than dying.

They’ve done the real thing so many times, yet put someone with a clipboard to watch them and it creates havoc.

Do you see the obvious lesson here?

It is never the situation that causes stress, it is always your reaction to it.

Your reaction is the source of all stress.

You can’t control the situation - sometimes you’re just given a pile of poo.

But you can control your reaction. You can learn to react differently. You can choose to not be stressed.

You can choose to be calm in the face of intensity, even enjoy it.

It’s a fine line between enjoyment and stress, but it can become wide and obvious.

Now, either you don’t know how to choose not to be stressed,

Or, you don’t prioritise it.

Chances are it’s a bit of both.

It’s a skill you can develop, I swear.

You know where to find out what you need. When you’re ready just hit reply and ask, or head here:

www.thebrightpath.com or www.findpeace.co.uk

Why the Army are learning to meditate

I love my life.

Just had a fine weekend - taught a Bright Path Ishayas’ Ascension course to a full house.

I love knowing that it doesn’t even matter how well I teach - if someone practices the techniques they are going to have so much come to them.

An end to struggle, stress, self doubt and self-sabotage?

I’m not sure what could be better than living life without such a load.

Ascension just gives you everything you need to rise above all of this, so simply, so effortlessly, it’s ridiculous.

This morning I’m getting ready for another course, one that I’m super excited about.

Jumped on a train last night, and here I am in Kent.

I have three days with the British Army - some bomb disposal guys are coming in for some time.

You think you have a stressful job?

If you’ve ever seen the movie “The Hurt Locker” you might have an idea of what stress is.

I’m excited because I know if these guys practice what I teach, they will come to a place where they have some tools and develop some habits so they can stay cool and clear regardless what they’re faced with.

There was some stats a while back that suggested there were more deaths amongst soldiers from suicide than in combat.

I don't know why this is so, but I know where ever there is stress, Ascension will help.

It doesn't make problems go away, it just makes things clearer. It puts things in perspective.

If someone were to keep practicing - and I've seen this in so many people over the years - the continued growth in clarity and perspective means that stress can become a choice.

Problems become challenges, not stress inducing nightmares.

How wonderful.

I’m excited because meditation has been used for literally thousands of years and finally we’re starting to catch up.

I’ll tell you all about it later when we’re done.

Til then just know, just have it as a possibility in your mind that stress could be optional.

Struggle could be needless.

You can have everything you want, and be free of all suffering, any anguish, any stress at all.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

How closing your eyes changes other people.

Did you know that your meditation practice changes other people?

There have been various studies done on the correlation between populations of meditators and statistics like crime rates.

Transcendental meditation even used to have a crack squad of elite meditators who would fly into conflict zones, for example, to bring more harmony and peace.

I’m not sure if they still do that,  but the stats in the studies are significant and have been repeated.

Google something like "meditation and crime rate" if you don't believe me.

The fact is you don't even need to leave home.

I was involved in an informal one the Ishayas did about ten years ago together with a contact in the police department of a major US city.

We were in BC, Canada at the time.

We also found - in a city many hours from where we were - a big drop in crime rates, especially amongst violent crime.

The only rate that didn’t go down was speeding.

Given the Ishayas at the time were heavily into go-karting on their time off, we got wondering…

There are various theories as to why this happens, some more outrageous than others, but for me the fact is meditation gives me so much. When I’m solid, when I’m calm and clear and content, everyone around me has the chance to be solid.

If there is also some unseen fringe benefit to the people around me, well, that's just great.

Maybe I should start charging for the calm and clarity influence…?

Set up a “I meditate so you don’t have to” business?

Don’t steal my idea.

Why asking “What do I do?” ended in frustration for me

Yesterday I was talking about having your cake and eating it too.

In that you need give nothing up to have a life of 200%.

200% is what the Ishayas call having perfect internal calm and connection and yet a completely full and rich external life - enjoying all the things this world has to offer:

Fine wines, dining out, strong coffee, nice clothes, warm pork pies, good music.

That’s why I loved the Ishayas.

I loved the practice of Ascension, so super simple, so honestly and clearly giving me the choice to detach from the worries and doubts of my own mind.

But the Ishayas also never told me how I should live.

Every time I asked what should I do about this, or what should I do about that, they always asked me what I wanted to do.

They just said practice being so alive to this moment, so open, so fresh and excited and then live. Go beyond your mind - see how you limit yourself with your own thoughts. Live a life without limitations.

That was it.

They refused to say what I should do. And for someone looking for a way, this was a little frustrating.

All I wanted was someone to tell me what to do.

How else did I know I was living right?

But I came to realise how liberating that was.

No one can tell you how to live your life. Your path is your path.

You have to find your instruction manual within yourself, and within each and every moment.

You see, it’s constantly updating, constantly refreshing itself.

But you come to be present and alive to now and you will know what to do, where to go, how to live. Listen in and you will find the answer for this moment.

You will become clear on your own life.

Perfect.

What I learned from a rapper about balance

When I was a little bit younger I loved a band called Faithless - I loved them even more when I read an interview with one of the members.

I knew he was a rapper and he loved to drive his racing car on track days, but I almost fell over when he talked about how he was a Buddhist.

See, I had thought the two worlds were separate.

On one hand you could choose to have all the good things in life - for me that extended to paddling rivers, snowboarding, cool music (well I thought so), telling dodgy jokes with my friends, having people over and nurturing them with good food and wine.

Or, you could have a spiritual life. You could find peace and purpose.

There wasn’t a crossover.

Yet here was a guy who was obviously enjoying driving fast and dancing all night who didn’t consider his spiritual self to be separate from that.

I remember him saying that his Buddhist practice meant he became more real, more authentic to himself.

There wasn’t a trying to become some one else, different. He enjoyed his life, his passions, even more.

I think that’s why I had no doubts about becoming an Ishaya monk.

The Ishayas lived both parts of life so fully.

I found them to be absolutely calm and centred, yet so passionate and excited, enjoying and unapologetic for their own personalities and tastes.

They were balanced people - busy and productive yet they made sure they took time out to rest and nurture.

If you want all of life, everything that it has to offer, follow their example.

You don’t have to give anything up. You can have it all.

You don’t need to change - you have everything you need, already within you.

You just need to remember. In that remembering, be balanced.

Can you remember now?

The more you remember, the more that becomes a habit. The more it becomes a habit, the more the best of life comes and gets you.

A great state to be in.

Have your cake and eat it too. Don’t go changing for peace.

All about habits, not hobbits

So this fellow and I are having this discussion which takes a moment or two to really get going, simply because he was talking about habits and I thought he said hobbits, as in hairy-toed short people. Don't worry - we sorted it out in quick time and were onto much more fruitful pastures.

It's all because I'm not native to this land being from New Zealand, and certain accents take a little, actually a lot, of focus to grasp.

Reminds me of the time that I met a true Geordie, from Newcastle, who upon hearing I used to live in Mexico tried to engage me in Spanish. Tricky to understand him speaking English let alone in Espanol, which is average in me at best.

But I digress. What became obvious is this:

There are some things which are comfortable to you - habitual you might say.

Because they are habitual you have set your life up around them - they are also convenient.

But just because they are comfortable and convenient does not make them life affirming and beneficial.

You have habits that add to your life, you have habits that don’t.

There are a thousand things you can and do fall into when you just want comfort.

Alcohol, drugs, sugar, porn, gambling, shopping, train-spotting…

Take a look at your life, what do you use?

Have you ever noticed that doing something different - even if it is life affirming and “good for you” - is rarely ever comfortable?

Like starting an exercise regime. Definitely not comfortable on a physical level, it hurts. It hurts on a pride level because you used to be so much fitter, it was so much easier…

But there is something in it.

You do it because you want to move on, you want to move forward.

Now, I believe you are reading this because you aren’t satisfied with mere comfort.

You’ve tried comfort and you want more.

You are okay being uncomfortable in order to really see what this life has to offer.

You are okay with at least the idea of giving up something in order to gain something greater.

And that is the point -

All habits are comfortable.

Because of this, you only need discipline for as long as it takes for a new way to become a habit.

Then it becomes filled with comfort. You didn’t know how you lived without the new way.

The rewards of the habit become convenient, close, quick and coming quicker.

You have become a different person, bigger, with a clearer perspective.

Finding time to sit down to meditate - for those who Ascend, sitting down to Ascend - is rarely comfortable in the beginning.

The doing is pleasurable, it brings enormous benefits in terms of rest, healing, clarity, effectiveness, joy and peace…

…but it may not be comfortable to break your other habits - in the beginning.

It may require you to turn off the TV, hide your phone in the next room, log out of Facebook…

It may require a little discipline - in the beginning.

Expect the resistance and do it anyway.

Crack on, because your life will become far more comfortable with it than without it.

Choose your habits wisely!

...and you definitely can choose your habits, just don’t expect comfort in the beginning.

Willing to take a moment to honestly look at yourself?

If you have been reading for a while you will be well familiar with the question, “do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” I love this question, it gives instant clarity.

If you are willing, take a moment, look within.

See all the places where you want to be right more than you value your own happiness, or for that matter, the happiness of another.

Look at how you might lose your cool to win an argument.

Or how you might sulk and get grumpy because your partner did something wrong to you.

Or how you “need” someone to understand you so you push your point of view across.

I really hope I don’t sound dramatic, but the Paris killings - they are the extreme conclusion of putting wanting to be right before being happy.

What kind of world would we live in if all the people put happiness first?

Look within.

What can you do to make sure you personally prioritise being happy rather than trying to be right?

It's not true when you believe you can't do anything

It’s easy to think that you can do nothing. Or that the things you do don’t make a difference.

But your being and presence speaks louder than any noble words or great deeds coming from someone who, say, is distracted.

In this way the small things that you do count for so much.

When you have your heart in what you do, that is, when you are completely present and alive, everything has a depth to it, it has real substance.

Just a simple “thank you” and a smile to the shop keeper carries so much when you are fully behind it.

Every small action becomes alive, it touches and changes others in ways that you will never know.

In a world where so many are not present to their words and actions, being fully and completely with someone can be a little bit of a shock to them.

But it shows you want to relate to them on a different level, they’re not just another person, that they too make a difference to you.

Fully show up for life - be fully behind each and everything you do and say.

There was a great German monk called Meister Eckhart back in the day, who once said,

“If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.”

Just that alone makes a difference.

Change your heart, change your being, it changes more than you could ever know.

- Arjuna

ps. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all the small things, all the small endeavours, the kindnesses, the smiles, the jokes that you bring. Thank you for the calm, the space to be accepted, for the love that you are.

Paris: What can you do in the face of violence?

In hearing the news of the Paris killings there can be such a feeling of powerlessness and of fear. I know that was my first reaction.

My fiance's brother and his fiance live in Paris. Brings everything a little closer to home when you know someone on the scene.

Don’t be filled with fear. It’s a deep dark hole that one - stay out of it. Fear doesn’t help any one, least of all yourself.

That powerlessness - that’s what any kind of violence or oppression is all about: Just roll over. Give in. Be fearful. You can't do anything. Do what we say.

But what can you do?

The only answer I have is to point the finger at your own heart. Ask yourself:

What can I do to make the world a better place?

Can you help increase the amount of kindness, calmness, compassion, connection and understanding in yourself and in the world?

Can you make another choice to move beyond hate and fear, prejudice and confusion?

Can you help prioritise peace, harmony and love over anything else?

Yes, yes you can.

I think in times like these our internal and external choices become even more critical.

Ask yourself not only what can you do, but what will you do?

Take care, with love and respect for everything that you do.