Be the change...

“Be the change you wish to see in the world” - Gandhi It is a fascinating and inviolable certainty of this world:

What you give tends to be what you get.

If you are smart, and you are smart otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this, you may come to the following conclusion:

If you get what you give it would be a good idea to give what you want to receive.

It works at the most basic level: If you want more hugs, give more hugs. If you want happier people around you, be more happy. If you want more love, give more love.

But it even works at a more subtle and abstract level.

If you want more understanding, give more understanding.

If you want more honesty, be more honest.

More clarity? Be clearer.

More patience and tolerance and mutual respect? Be all of that.

It’s the coolest thing once you see it. Loving, open, happy people have a whole world that is loving and open and happy. They attract very similar people. Scared and anxious people tend to create events and people that make them scared and anxious, giving them more reason to be scared and anxious.

Now: If you find yourself pointing the finger at people and insisting that they are more x, y or z, for whatever reason, it's an excellent sign you need to look at yourself.

Be the change you wish to see in the world. That single act, bringing the focus of change to within yourself changes more than you can possibly imagine. It all starts with you.

Ever tried to actually change someone? In fact, do you realise you try and change all your loved ones? Stop, its futile. People dig their heels in deep when they feel someone is trying to change them. But they do respond to a) openness and b) change in others. It all points back to you.

But don’t take my word for it, do it. Even if you disagree, try it. Prove me (and Gandhi) wrong by putting your money where your mouth is.

Save the world starting with yourself. You are the one person you can change. Might as well get going.

Give yourself an "A"

What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? How would you be if you knew the future was going to turn out perfectly? 

Keep the door of possibility wide open. Go beyond the voice that says you might fail, that something might go wrong, that you are not good enough.

The inner critic can only see limitation, it cannot see potential and possibility. Infinity is far too much for the mind to grasp, and that is why is focusses on the small: on Lack, what you don't have and what might go wrong.

Believe in this and the world gets squashed and grey, and you along with it.

What if you flipped this Lack thought? Do you ever focus on what might go right? That you are more than good enough?

Why not?

Why not embrace an attitude of vision and of possibility? Instead of listening to the "you should" or the "you need to", why not go with the "what if?" and the "how about?"…?

Drop the limitations. They are only imagined, they only have power because you believe them. Instead, give yourself an “A”, in advance - focus on the possibility of the greatness of what could happen.

Assume an attitude that lights up your life, and in doing so lights up the life of all those around you.

Assume an attitude that everything will turn out just fine. Be supremely present in this knowing. How do you live in this knowing?

And why not? Wouldn't this one shift make your life amazing?

Attitude informs everything.

check out Benjamin Zander here in this video for more.

Take not a thing seriously.

The single greatest thing you can do to be more clear, calm and collected is to not take anything seriously. If you don't take anything seriously you won’t take anything personally.

If you don’t take anything personally you won’t get stuck in drama and blame and resentment and anger and all of that.

If you don’t get stuck in drama you can see clearly, you can see the big picture, you’ll have options.

If you have options you can do stuff easier and have more fun doing it. It’ll become an endless upward spirally loop of greater and greater joy.

Let me reassure you: The path to being the best version of yourself is through increasing amounts of joy. The enlightened beings I have met all laugh their arses off, constantly.

And here is the thing - a happy, joyful destination cannot be gained through a serious path. It is impossible.

This is good news. Awesome news actually. and its easy.

As my meditation teacher says, don’t worry about forever, just take nothing seriously today. Start small, but start now. If you like it, do it tomorrow. You may just find you keep doing it.

Find ways to laugh at everything, including yourself. Nothing need to be serious. Nothing benefits from seriousness. Even the most serious discussions benefit from levity.

Hang out with the happy people. Help others laugh at themselves, help them lighten their load. Don’t take anything seriously. Life is too short not to.

Gratitude - simple, powerful, but rarely done.

My computer died the other day. Completely kaput. Funny how I can use something everyday and not really notice how much a part of my life it had become until it was no longer there.

You ever notice that?

How something can be essential in your life and yet you only truly appreciate it when its gone?

One of the most inspiring stories I have ever heard was regarding a woman who lost her legs in a bomb attack on the London Underground. Years later she was interviewed and what struck me was her attitude. I can’t find the interview so I can’t directly quote what she had to say, but essentially she said the day she lost her legs was the day her life started.

You see before that day she was in survival mode, just getting by - alive but not really Living. A cycle of wake, work, sleep, repeat. Her overwhelming response when she came to in the hospital was one of gratitude for being given a chance to live. Her focus was not on the legs that she had lost but the fact that she was still alive.

The bomb was her wake up call - it shifted her attention from merely surviving to truly living. It shifted her focus from what she didn’t have to what she did have. It showed her she didn't have any time to take anything for granted, that life itself is an incredible gift.

I see so many people who don’t realise how truly rich they are. They have so much, and yet they don't realise it simply because they take big chunks of their life for granted.

I had an ear infection the other day meaning I had no balance. Even the act of sitting up in bed and getting to the bathroom was a major achievement. As the infection left, how sweet was it to walk freely? Very.

I can’t tell you how powerful the simple act of being grateful is. Going out of your way to be thankful transforms your attitude to life. The simple fact that you are alive becomes a source of richness and wonder.

If you decide to be actively grateful, even for the small things, the following will happen:

You will become very present

Your life will come truly alive. It will become a continuing source of satisfaction.

Your relationships will grow and become deeper - simply because you are nurturing them.

You will complain less and less.

You will be less able to stay self absorbed, in worry or guilt or doubt.

You will realise how the world transforms according to your attitude.

You will realise that your happiness is your choice.

You will become someone who others want to be around. Your happiness will inspire others to be happy.

There’s probably a hundred more, but try it, live it for yourself.

You want more from life? Start by being grateful.

Common spiritual misconceptions #27 - Desires

Once upon a time, I tried living without desires. I’d been reading lots of Buddhist books and it seemed like they talked a lot about desirelessness and how that would make you happy. That’s the trouble with reading things without having someone to ask who actually knows. Having an experienced coach or a teacher makes the path super quick and smooth. There’s no guess work needed on your behalf. There’s no re-inventing the wheel.

But I digress…

So, I tried and I failed. And no wonder - without desire you don’t even get out of bed. You need desire to live, it is what gives your life sparkle. Without desire your life is grey, and a bit pointless.

The only trouble with desire comes when you hold tight to it, when you insist that your happiness depends on a certain desire being fulfilled in a certain way.

Desire is never the deal, its attachment that kicks you.

When you link your happiness with something you will always be disappointed. If you believe you can only be happy on sunny days you are setting yourself up for a lot of time unhappy.

But, if you are happy and content as you are and with what you have, and you enjoy the sun, then sunny days can only make you even happier.

Does that make sense?

Find contentment and gratitude with what you have and who you are. Make that the foundation of every moment. Be in love with your life, exactly as it is. And then go chase what you want to do. Live the life you wish to live. Be and do and have the things you want.

Just discern the difference between living from a foundation of happiness and achieving your desires. Unshackle happiness from desire, and then you can have both. Each and every moment will be a blast, and full, and alive.

Sounds like a good way to live to me.

The end of bad days, right here

Did you know that bad days don't just happen? The only time you have a bad day is when things don't go the way you planned them.  A bad day simply is that reality hasn't met your expectations of what "should" have occurred.

The degree to which it is a bad day, ranging from merely difficult to complete disaster, depends on how much you were fixed on sticking with your plan - ie. how much you resist what is.

Life isn't good or bad, it isn't out to get you sometimes, it just is what it is. Life is constant change. Can you be fluid enough and adapt?

How flexible and fluid you are with what is happening will determine how much freedom you will experience. If you can cultivate an attitude of "how fascinating!" to everything that happens to you, life will become an absolute adventure and never ever "bad".

The end of bad days is all in your attitude. You can step out the door with a plan, but surrender it to an attitude of adventure: "OK! what is going to happen today? Bring it on! I'm ready. And if I'm not ready, I'll just be surprised".

Do this and you'll never have a bad day ever again. I promise you.

Only you can choose peace or pain

You are constantly choosing your response to life. This choice defines how you live, regardless of the circumstances you find yourself in. This choice is total: You decide whether you live in peace or in suffering. No one and nothing can cause you to suffer; you decide to suffer.

I know it doesn’t feel like this. No one wants to suffer, everyone is looking for a way to avoid it. The trouble is we don’t know how.

We believe our happiness is dependent on the conditions of our life: people, things, events. We choose to feel hurt, stressed, or angry when things don’t go according to expectation, and all because we believe our happiness lies not within us, but is given to us.

If happiness can be given, it can be taken, so we struggle to secure everything: our emotions, bodies, relationships, careers, possessions. All conflict comes from this mistaken belief, all war, all fear.

We have the reality of life back to front. Our inner state is never conditional on what happens or what we have. The external conditions of your life do not create peace, you - and you alone - make the choice to be at peace.

Your birth-right is to know that it isn’t life that brings you happiness, it is you that brings happiness to life. Consistently making this choice brings you beyond suffering, forever.

Imagine - How would life be if you lived like that?

Know Thyself

Are you aware that you have voices in your head? If you thought “what voice?” that’s the voice I’m talking about. Talking to yourself is nothing to be ashamed of, the fact is people do it all the time. However: In terms of peace of mind, freedom from stress and living the best life possible, you need to be aware of what the voice in your head is telling you.

When you aren’t aware you have no choice. You follow and do and feel and react accordingly to the voice. We’ve lived with the voice in the head for so long we more or less follow what it says.

It’s one result when you go with the voice that says “I’m hungry”, completely another path when you believe the voice that states “I can’t”. Perhaps even more insidious is the voice that goes “I should”.

In awareness you have choice.

In knowing the voice you can create a space of freedom and exploration of what happens when you don’t automatically go with it. The next step stops being a reactive, “what you have always done” movement and starts becoming creative - the consciously living of your life. You can be aware of restrictive or limiting patterns and habits and make other choices.

Choice is the key word, always.

Even just for a couple of minutes, stop and observe your thoughts. In watching you can see what there is in your own head. Let them come, and let them go. If it helps, maybe count them. Assign each one a number as simply as if you were counting clouds in the sky as they pass by.

For each thought there doesn’t have to be a reaction. Every thought can just arise and then fall away to where ever it came from.

Equally, just because you think it, it doesn’t mean it is true. A thought can simply be an idea, a label, an interpretation or an option. Does that make sense?

For example, there doesn’t need to be a link between a “bad” thought and feeling bad - it can simply be an option to choose to feel bad that you don’t take, you just observe and let go.

Just because you have thoughts it doesn’t mean that you are the thoughts. Because you can be aware of the contents of your mind, it means you must be more than those contents. Your thoughts need not define or be the limit of you.

If this is so, if you aren’t your mind, if you aren’t your beliefs, if you have choice, then what are you? Be aware and find out. Know thyself.

It’s worth doing because the most important question to me is always “how do you want to live?”

However that is, don’t live blindly. There is always more beyond the voices. There is always choice. Always.

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans

“Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.” - John Lennon It’s a funny old thing, life. It’s happening here and now and more often than not, most people aren’t aware of it. They miss out on life itself, thinking and planning about some other moment, some moment in which they believe life will happen.

Do you do that? Is your life going on right under your nose while you are elsewhere?

Unless you are present and alive to life, to this moment, you will miss out. And no one has an infinite amount of time to get to the task of really, truly living. It’s something you need to get onto very very soon.

If I may be so bold, I would ask:

What do you think it’s going to take for you to wake up to this?

What is it going to take for you to realise that your life is ending one moment at a time, and you are somewhere else, lost in your head?

When are you going to stop wasting a single moment adrift in the past or future or some other location, wishing, dreaming that you were anywhere but here?

When are you going to make the most of each and every moment?

Please do. Please wake up to your own life, take it and go. Live it fully. It requires so little, just your attention applied now. Such a small, simple sacrifice, and you get so much.

If you don’t, who will? If not now, when?

ps. if you don't know how - just ask. It really is a simple thing.

What meditation has given me

My life has changed immeasurably since I came to learn a simple, easy meditation technique, and actually used it every day. It still surprises me, the power of sitting down every day and closing my eyes.

I really feel like I have become the person I always knew I was, but just couldn’t guarantee I could be.

In the past I would get stuck in these mental loops of thinking and worrying. I knew all about the worries and the fears, it was just that I couldn’t get out of them. They seemed to possess me. I would wake up worrying about something I said the previous day or worrying about what would happen in the upcoming, or about my bank balance.

I was constantly saying one thing to one person and another thing to another person. I was trying to be all things to all people. I would get stressed, so easily. I would lose my cool over the smallest things.

In no way was I a basket case, there was just plenty of room for more enjoyment and ease. Which I now have, which continues to grow.

I also seem to have found my purpose. I had a wonderful life, I had ticked all the boxes on my “to do and to have” list, and yet I was not content. It was a confusing time - my tick list said I should be happy and yet there was a growing unease which said I wasn’t.

The small act of closing my eyes every day and becoming more and more present has meant everything that I do is based in a satisfaction or a sense of wholeness and fulfilment.

There is no more idea that there is something else, that I’m missing out on something, the question “what am I doing here?” doesn’t appear. There is no worry, no fear, no unease.

In many ways, nothing has changed. I literally have gotten nothing from meditation - but everything that is not me has fallen away.  In one word, meditation has given me authenticity… and freedom from worry and fear… and purpose, meaning and satisfaction… and real enjoyment of life… and a million other things

It’s the smallest thing, to become present, to learn to meditate, to actually practice but it gives you so much.

Why not? What have you got to lose?

Just pretend that this moment is the only moment that exists

A friend of mine - an Ishaya teacher of meditation - loves to tell his students to pretend that this moment is the only moment that exists. It simply means to be completely alive and present here, now, assuming that no other moment in time exists.

How about that? How about just letting go now, and being present to this, what is here, what is now.

To do it means to assume that everything else is beyond your control. It means you assume you only have what is in front of you.

The thing is we spend so much time trying to change the past or control the future. Life gets extraordinarily simple, not to mention easy, when you take it one moment at a time. Just now. And now. And now.

Here you are. Really be here. Don’t worry about anything else.

When you do that you can meet the need of the moment, free of the burden of the past and the future.

Really, honestly, if I could give you one thing it would be to realise that a peaceful, happy, enjoyable and efficient life is right here.

Bring yourself back and you will find it easier and easier to stay.

Being alive - being present

“Many people are alive but don’t touch the miracle of being alive” Thich Nhat Hanh Being present is the single greatest thing you can do for your life.

Being present means you can be focussed, clear, creative, and full of confidence too.

Being present means you can give 100% to whatever you do. Everyone wins when you are present.

Being present means you can be calm and content, no matter the circumstances. When other people are losing it, you keep it.

Being present means you can be free from reactive patterns and flying off the handle. It means you have choice, very real choice in the what and how you live your life.

Being present means life becomes enjoyable, and easy. Life makes sense when you are here and alive to it. Life takes on a simple purpose when you show up for it.

Being present is so simple. There is nothing simpler. Just wake up. Be alive, be here, be in the same place as your body.

Stop sleep walking through your life - be alive!

Best times in the day to take ten minutes to meditate

The best way to find time to for your ten minutes "out" meditating is to schedule your day around your meditation practice, and not the other way around. If you try and squeeze in a meditation “when you have time”, chances are it ain’t going to happen. Prioritise it!

Set aside a time to practice, put a reminder on your phone/calendar so you remember, and stick to it. You won’t regret it.

Regular practice brings great rewards.

Times of the day that are excellent for practicing:

1.) First thing in the morning You don’t have to wake up super early, just give yourself enough time to get out of bed, have a wash and a stretch if necessary, and go and find your place to sit. If you practice in the morning regularly, you will find your day just turns out so more enjoyable and effective.

2.) Sometime during the day For example, lunch time. Your afternoon will again be so much more enjoyable and effective. I used to be a raft guide and I would always find at least 10 minutes to sit by myself while my group had lunch. It made a huge difference to my afternoons.

3.) When you come home from being out at work or wherever. Take your time to practice and then join your family or partner. You can leave the cares of the day behind you, recharge and fully be at home. I have friends - when they don't practice their children tell them to go and "do that thing that you do". Your people will notice and gladly give you ten minutes to yourself.

4.) Last thing at night Meditate in bed until you go to sleep. You can sit up if you like for a few minutes, or simply lie down and see what happens. Your sleep will be deep and restful.

I don’t recommend doing a deep breathing practice at night - I found it woke me up meaning I was really quite awake. But that may be just me. Try it out for yourself.

5.) Eyes open anytime You cannot be too present and alive. Anytime you remember: simply become really present. Take some deep breaths. Explore your senses. Stop: Look and feel and hear. Open up to this moment rather than entertaining those loops in your head.

Whatever you do, have fun with it, okay? You can't do it wrong. Just remember now.

Taking ten minutes to bring out the best of you

How would you feel if you could bring out the best version of yourself every day? You would have wonderfully enjoyable, relaxed, productive days without a doubt. You know this best version of you very well, but how to you make sure she or he comes out to play?

I have a challenge for you… give yourself 10 minutes every day for the next 10 days. Find a quiet place, close your eyes, and without judgement, without pushing away or grabbing for anything, just notice.

Notice your breath. Or your heart. Or scan your body, releasing any tension you may find.

Notice the air, the space within the room you are in. Notice this moment happening, as it happens. Or gently think a favourite phrase, a reminder, or simply the word “peace” or “relax” or “good”. Think it, and watch it go. When it’s gone, no longer there at all, and you’re thinking other thoughts, gently bring yourself back to the words.

Just sit, and be at the centre of everything, just for a moment.

Do this for at least 10 minutes everyday for 10 days straight and reap the rewards. You may find you want to sit longer.

Or you may want to learn a simple technique like the Bright Path Ishayas' Ascension that makes meditating an absolute no-brainer: www.thebrightpath.com or www.findpeace.co.uk.

How your mind will try and talk you out of just about anything - and what to do about it

Not feeling so motivated? A little tired? Didn’t sleep so well last night? Whatever you got, just start it. Only do it for 5 minutes, and see what happens.

It gives me a great indicator of either no, it really isn’t going to happen today, or actually yes, and those 5 minutes become much more than that.

Sometimes in life the hardest thing is getting down to business (whatever that may be). The business at hand isn’t an issue, it’s the thought about it causes the most drag.

I remember a yoga teacher I used to go to who always used to say that the hardest part of yoga was rolling out the mat and stepping on it.

He was right, I used to be able to do anything but actually get on the mat. I could spend hours procrastinating before actually sitting down at my computer.

But when I did - and didn’t allow myself to be distracted by facebook or selecting the right playlist for my exercise session or vacuuming the floor because it’s way too dirty - then things moved along nicely.

Now I know that tendency of the mind - to delay, to distract, to declare that the conditions aren’t quite right - it’s simple. I just get on my mat or sit down and get started before I can think about it.

If I still feel not quite right then I give it at least 5 minutes before quitting.

When you know what obstacles your mind will throw up it’s a simple step to ignore them.

Knowing your own mind, its ways and reactions is crucial to living the life you want to live - and all it requires is for you to be aware.

Awareness is simple, and the only time you can be aware is now.

Why acceptance is the best foundation for everything in life

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up your dreams. It means knowing that right now the path to your goal looks a little different than you expected. It is working with what you have, not trying to push your preferred way through.

Nothing happens for pushy people. Really, it doesn’t. They just make life difficult for everyone around them, including themselves.

Some might say that “the squeaky wheel gets the oil” - the ones that complain get the attention, but in my experience, the most help goes to those who politely, easily and consistently ask for it, working with what they have and not insisting on having something they don’t.

The whole universe responds to someone who, in the words of that well known prayer, has the strength to change the things they can change, the serenity to accept the things they can’t, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Acceptance isn't giving up your dreams or desires. It is knowing that life can only be experienced now. All journeys are made of single steps consisting of the same intention.

Acceptance is the seed that means you choose to be thankful for what you do have, and not be blinded by what you believe to be missing.

Acceptance is the end of the past and the future. Comparison cannot exist in the light of acceptance.

Accept everything, resist nothing.

What to do when you don't like a situation

In any situation you don’t like you have three options: You can change it. If you can’t change it, you can leave it. If you can’t leave, or - very importantly - if you choose not to leave, then you must accept the situation, as it is, completely and utterly.

Most of humanity goes for option #4: Complain about it.

Complaining doesn’t do much. Perhaps as a very short term ‘get rid of steam’ strategy it is okay, but continued complaining just leads to blaming and resentment, more stress and no peace.

See when you choose to complain. Make another choice - it’s all you rationally can do.

But when you accept you also get to see the situation clearly. You get to work with what you have, rather than wasting your time wishing you had something else.

Making the best of what you have - and all the creativity that goes with it - only can begin in complete acceptance.

Acceptance also means you get to see clearly if you can change something about the situation. So often we don't think we can do anything because "that's the way its always been done" or simply because change sometimes takes courage to say "no".

It really is the path of heroes. Accept everything, resist nothing.

Taking time out means you can move forward

I’m going to Spain tomorrow to spend the (English) summer at a meditation retreat.

Three months in the mountains with people from all around the world. They’re coming from as far as Mexico, New Zealand, Argentina and Taiwan.

The weather is sweet, the food is tasty, and the vibe is very relaxed yet excited. There are some grand discoveries happening, and a lot of joy. If you're at all interested, or just want to have a snoop at the retreat, here's the page: www.thebrightpath.com/spain-mastery-retreats

I’m not telling you this to show off. Well, ok, a little bit, but more to tell you about the value of retreating.

In this busy world we think more is better. Go further, faster, stronger. The thing is that it doesn’t seem this way, but sometimes to retreat is to advance.

To take time out, to take stock, to come out of the details. Actually, just to let go of the stuff for a little while.

You need to retreat every day. You can create a little sanctuary - and you need to create a little sanctuary - just by finding a quiet place, even the toilet, to sit and take time out. To do nothing.

It doesn’t need to be long - ten minutes is a great start - just close your eyes and see what you notice. You aren’t “doing” anything, just noticing, without judgement, everything.

Try your breath. Or sounds. Or your body. Or count your thoughts. Or you can think a phrase that means something to you and watch it dissolve and vanish.

Whatever you do - take time out. It’ll make a huge difference in the enjoyment and effectiveness of your day.

Being bolder than your comfort zone

If you never did anything different, where would you be?If you never took a step into the unknown, what experience would you have? The same as ever, the same as everyone else.

Everything that you have done that is worth doing has required you to go beyond your comfort zone. Moving forward is rarely comfortable.

The mind hates progress for this reason.  And it’s why you can use that feeling as a gauge to indicate what is truly important to you.

If the idea of doing something makes you nervous or brings up doubt about whether you are up to the task then that is an excellent indicator of importance. Follow that idea, do that thing.

You see, the opposite of love is not hate but indifference.

If it doesn’t require you to overcome some resistance to get it, it has little value to you. The more resistance, the more value it has to you.

I don’t think you will ever get to a place where courage isn’t required. You just get better at ignoring the “I can’t’s”, the even more subtle “I’m not ready yet’s”, and of course the “it might all go wrong’s and then what’s?”

Being bolder is a skill that you can practice. It starts with awareness of your mind’s limitations and setting your attention beyond these complaints.

What do you want to do? Expect resistance and jump anyway.

The first step before flying is to leap.

Enjoying the process and doing it "better"

Don’t base how committed you are to doing something on momentary success or failure. An attitude of “well, I’ll keep doing it as long as I am good at it” will never result in anything. Everything that you do will have good and bad days - days when everything seems to be swimming along magically and other days when nothing seems to go right.

If you quit because you don’t appear to be “any good” at something in this moment, you will never get better. All learning has phases of seeming “good” and “bad”.

Don’t quit when you hear that voice.

As a baby you weren’t any “good” at walking. Did you quit?

Consider any top athlete - say the tennis player. How many times do you think they practice a particular shot? Millions of times? Probably, right? No matter what, they are out there practicing - in all conditions and in all circumstances.

They’re in it for the long game, they want to master a skill and they know it involves committing to a process.

They’re in it for constant improvement. They’re not in it to be “good”, they’re in it to be “better”.

So - Remove any idea of “doing it good” and “doing it bad” from the equation.

Instead, become interested in “how can I do it better next time?”

Enjoy the process.

A wise man once said that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Enjoy each and every one of those steps for what they are.

That way, no matter what, you’ll make the next step and the next, and you’ll reach the top before you know it.

When you frame each and every action in this way, as part of a continually evolving process (= an attitude of constant improvement based in complete contentment of this moment) long term commitment is easy, the path is enjoyable, and greatness is guaranteed.

Makes life, and getting what you want while enjoying it, so much easier.

Have a great day!